Endless Mind


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Living free may only be an illusion as there is always something hidden waiting to confine the beauty of unfettered space. Maybe an unsuspecting visitor or fence covered with lush camouflage that pretends to be part of the landscape. It fools and traps the wandering dreamer.

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Step by step the visionary may walk, hopeful of its future. And in the moment all seems at peace. The surrounding landscape is hushed and still. It lulls those that pass into a false sense of calm. But what may come at the next bend? Is all as it seems?

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Best to tread lightly these earthly footsteps. Cautiously move and trust home is within. Freedom may only be skin deep. Found in the echoes of  the ancestors. Search for it not in tomorrows, but inside the endless mind.

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Preparing


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Meditation always helps me to think and brings out interesting thoughts. Today this is what floated to the surface: my future is preparing for me as I am getting ready here, right now. I know this sounds simple…of course it is, everyone’s is, but I mean it in a more concrete way.

What I envisioned was my actual future preparing: like the home (or homes) that I may live someday are being lived in now by folks that will care for them so that I may take over them at some point. Their lives will change course to make it possible for me to love the space on future date. That home by a lake, or the road leading up to it is there now–as I am here now, waiting for the future, preparing for our encounter.

Maybe it will be a person, or people–significant relationships that will alter the course of my life, who are gathering their life story so it will intersect mine. They are playing out their time currently so they will be ready for when we meet, so we will be ready to care, maybe to love, but certainly to know that we were meant to know one another for years to come.

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And maybe it will just be a scene or road that has been waiting for me, calling to me for all my life, but one day I will finally reach it. Because it has been that they have been there the whole time waiting…waiting until the time was right, until I was really ready, my heart open and the vision clear.

The future has just been preparing for me…it’s right there, so close I can feel it. It’s me that must be worthy.

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Lost In The Forest


There are times when it feels like it takes all my effort to keep the beast at bay. We each have our own beasts: financial burdens, relationship woes, weight issues, an illness, family problems, an addiction–the list is endless. My beast has been hiding in the bushes probably my whole life, blending in and camouflaged by the surrounding landscape. That landscape has been partly the creation of my own mind and parts of my life that simply lay hidden beneath the surface, like a creature that lives below the surface of the earth.

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For many years I have lived my life with this beast only in my peripheral vision; it was often a silent marauder coming to me, slipping in and out of dreams and reality. But I was young, strong and mostly unaware. Life was a whirlwind of distractions: that carousel spinning, making me dizzy so I mostly didn’t notice this strange visitor who crossed my path.

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When it did happen though, my heart became larger in my chest and I could feel it thudding in the front of my chest. My head felt heavy and my temples hurt…the room might tilt, if only for a moment, and reality would feel different. I knew something was closing in. It felt the air getting less and it was hard to breathe.

But the moment would pass. The world would return to normal (as normal is it can be) and I would forget, tuck it back into the recesses– the folds of my memory.

Now I am older and the habitat in which the beast dwells is thinning. Maybe climate change has effected that forest too, or maybe I am chopping the trees down myself? It seems I can sense this thing is coming closer; there is more clarity in which I feel its breath. I am familiar with the scent and know when it might be approaching at times. But there are still those unexpected moments when it creeps up on me and takes me by surprise, and I feel that weight again sitting on my chest. If I listen hard enough, then, I might hear the low growl of its voice telling me to beware…

It might be near, very near now, but what it wants, I still do not know. Why it hunts me is a mystery. And try as I may, ridding myself of it remains a secret lost within the darkness of the forest.

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Golden Footsteps


Last night I had a dream about an old boyfriend. Our relationship was odd and rocky–just like much of my life during those years and many of my years prior to my move. It gave me pause, and I began to think about it while doing my yoga and meditation.

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During my meditation I had a sort of vision. One gets in a rather trance-like state at times, and I guess I was ripe. In my mind I saw a shadow woman walking during a dark, stormy street. There were trees blowing, lots of rain and dark blue. But in the distance there were these footprints that were illuminated in the darkness: a path to follow. They lit up as this woman was ready to see them.

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I wish I could paint, because I could see this so clearly in my mind! It seemed to encompass where I have been and where I am now.

My past so often felt as though caught within a dark storm, with my paths unclear and being battered by the debris coming at me. Walking in the gray left me weak and hungry for the light, but my eyes had become unaccustomed to seeing it any longer.

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But somehow I reached the eye of the hurricane–the calm place and from there was lifted out. Those moments allowed me to find the golden footsteps, those brightened by my own need and will. It seems as my eyes adjust, another appears….

So as I follow them out of the tempest and into garden, they may fade into the sun itself. And then it will have to be something else that guides me I suppose, something from within–then again, maybe that something already does….

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Poem: Holy Vision


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This butterfly landed softly at my feet

Intersecting its flight

—-and my plight

Beautiful iridescence painted on delicate journey

—-but trapped by forces

Whose mighty weight shoots down

—–the fluttering dream

In the distance is the sound

—of the key opening the great gate

And the slow creaking rusty push

—–as it swings forward

To reveal all that is behind its iron curtain

Longing wishing greener patience

That holy vision

—-reaching out with open arms

Enter enter

For I am yours

If only you believe

Seeking Joy


How many of you believe words make reality? It seems that way to me, especially lately. Some of you may recall the mantra I created a month or so ago. It was short and sweet, but very necessary to my life. It was a very positive paragraph and something I have recited at least twice a day–and sometimes more. Basically a positive affirmation of what I would like to see for myself. And, well, it’s all happening in this short time.

Of course, we all know that positive or negative thoughts/words only lead to the same in actions. This is no great new revelation to anyone. It has come down through the ages. The very act of prayer has been going on for centuries. “Ask and ye shall receive” is a most familiar saying we all may know, whether we go to church or not. Many religions believe that the very act of writing something down or speaking words releases their power. And therefore one must be careful what one asks for as it may not come quite as you ask. We as people know that words can harm or heal, whether or not they say: sticks or stones may hurt my  bones, but words will never hurt me. Ah, not true!

This is why I kept my words quite simple in my mantra. But the simple act of saying it over and over seems to have brought the things for which I ask. Two lines in particular: “I am seeking joy” and “My first priority is love” are coming with delightful abundance. One might think these things have dropped from the sky, but in reality I have created them in my life by focusing on them and drawing them to me.

Numerous books have been written on this subject and have made millions. Positive self talk will in turn bring good. And so the opposite is true. I once read that if you are angry you should try to force yourself to smile because it is almost impossible to stay angry when you are smiling. It’s all about changing one’s reality. And I believe this is possible.

I’m sure you’ve met the people who are eternally grumpy and always draw the negative stuff to them. Or the people who are constantly having bad stuff follow them wherever they go–they draw this black cloud around them. And then there are the people who carry the light around them! I decided I wanted to be like them. And so I made it happen.

Armed with my mantra, my smile, my attitude adjustment and my hope the tide had changed and my world is slowly changing. Some really big things are changing, but even the little things are noticeable. For each one thing that changes, I surround it with gratitude and more positive energy. I want each small movement to grow into something bigger.

My two favorite yoga moves are the sun salute and the warrior pose. I am trying to do these as much as I can now, not only to heal my body, but to ease my spirit. As the sun rises, I know the past is behind me and I greet a new day filled with new possibilities. And the warrior woman within me can face any situation with strength and perseverance and the steady balance of one who has seen empires rise and fall.

So I will continue with my positive speak and keep a clear mind. Not every moment is perfect, but as a warrior, I can shield against the difficult moments armed with my light and the vision I have in my head. And with these tools, some humor and the understanding I may have to lick my wounds now and again–I am confident I will find the joy and love I am seeking.