Poem: For M This Winter


Cloudless

endless blue glared down

Cheeks brushed by Goddess

frozen fingers

rubbing rouge on Her

still legged puppets

as they whirl and shiver

in endless white

Incessant snot

stuffed in pockets

The offering

given up

to the chill and burr

of footsteps frozen

crunching

The sounds of tiny edifice

falling in

crashing together

softly–fitting

And the tea

warming up the chill

melting the drops

of snow littered cold

that landed

and rode upon

this earthly form

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Nor’easter


Well folks I’m battening down for a big storm heading our way. I wimped out and decided to take one of my many, many vacation days coming to me and not go to work tomorrow. I am squirming with guilt, as this is something very new to me, but I am doing it anyway. I’ve always been one of those ‘do or die’ sort of employees, feeling as though the show couldn’t go on without me. Especially in the job I have now, being one of two full-time employees. And also in the field I’m in: as a medic where we’re out when everyone else is hiding inside in the bad stuff. Well, that has all changed for me.

Since my accident, I see the world from the other side now. I’ve come to value the fact that I don’t have to be the hero all the time anymore. My commute is very long and the drive is tough just to get to work. When I go, I leave my home, my kid and my pets vulnerable too. Somehow that bothers me far more now than it used to–we all seemed more invincible before. I felt like I would let everyone down if I wasn’t there, even though I knew very well that during huge snow storms often call volume is very low. Or they are silly calls that people make simply because they don’t want to drive themselves to the hospital. We become the giant taxi with lights.

So I am finally making myself and my family a priority. Wow, that only took 50 plus years! And as my Mom used to say: chase the guilt fairy away! I’m trying…but it’s not easy. She sits on my shoulder, nudging me that I should really be going tomorrow. That I’m being a big baby not driving in the raging blizzard and 40 mph winds. Gosh, I’ve done it before! Maybe it’ll be the big one, and they will need me and I won’t be there. She is whispering in my ear….

But I will sit here with my pups instead. And I have my shovel ready and I plan to glare at the plow truck if they dare to hit my new mailbox and I will scrape my roof off when the snow gets too high and I will take comfort in the fact there are others at my station that can handle the job perfectly well without me.

Stay safe out there!