Poem: Resolutions


New year

less fears

in my personal sphere

But it’s not just me

for which I plea

save the earth, animals and the sea

Keep one prayer in your heart

to help the decay to depart

join the healing and do your part

Remember this earth is our Mother

I am your sister, you my brother

animals are kin dressed as other

This is the year to make it right

together let our power ignite

and cover the world with loving light

 

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Reflections


So as we march closer to the new year, we take time to reflect on the one we leave behind. I certainly had some ups and downs, but this seems nothing new in my life. I’ve become accustomed to this pattern, riding my roller coaster more easily now, with more acceptance. Maybe it’s why, though, I hate them in for real, because I live one it seems. 

But my coping skills have improved over time, so each dip on the ride may not leave my stomach quite as queasy as it once did. My white knuckled grip as each valley drops out from under me, has loosened slightly and maybe I can even keep my eyes open. 

Still, 2017 feels a bit vague.  What’s ahead and where the ride is taking me isn’t quite clear. Of course all the standard wishes we grant each other and secretly hope for ourselves are lurking around within me. But as each year passes, I wonder at these wishes. How do I get them to actually take form. Maybe they are only shadowy illusions I create to keep me moving forward. 

Each moment, day, month and year seem to flicker by now with such frightening speed. There are times that I simply sit just to capture a second, but it too flutters by. 

So as songs of old drift in through my window, and thoughts of 2016 get tucked away, I turn to face the new year. It will take courage for us all I think, as individuals and as a nation, for we have challenges ahead. 

Since I’ve accepted my life is rife with challenges, I am ready. Let me be strong this year and do what is right. And may the ride for us all be safe.

Two Thoughts For The Year


There have been two phrases ringing in my head recently that I feel especially appropriate for this new year and job. I’ve mentioned them before in my blog, but now seems a good time to bring them up again as they’ve been floating around in my brain. They must want to come out, so what better way than to share them with my blogging buddies.
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The first one is ‘we create our own realities’. This is a motto I’ve had for years. While there have been tough times in my life where I certainly didn’t remember it and therefore created some pretty bleak realities for myself, I truly believe that it’s true.

What we believe, think, say and gather around ourselves will become us. It’s a bit like magic. I’m sure we’ve all had those days where we ‘get up on the wrong side of the bed’–the alarm didn’t go off, our coffee spilled, we wore two different colored socks, the car didn’t start etc. From the get go, the day went down hill and didn’t stop.

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But if instead of freaking out about the alarm clock and believing the day was going to spiral down from there, we actually took an extra minute to re-coop and gather ourselves and restart. Would things would get back on track? Yes it is honestly true.

As a medic, I can say that most accidents occurred because of people not paying attention, rushing, stress, not taking time to learn something, anger and other negative things. And it’s been proven that disease can also be caused by stress and negative thinking and healed by the opposite. Even if you don’t believe this, what’s the harm in trying to be different? It can only make your life better. Even the word disease, when you break it down becomes dis-ease. 

Many spiritual practices use the idea of prayer to change things–like prayer circles. What more are these than creating realities? Believing in something to change it–many people together in fact….
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So, we can all do this on small scales for sure, but also believing in world peace and enough food. Why not? Just like Tinkerbells says: Believe!

The other quote I heard last year that I just read again in my journal and felt was so profound was ‘language informs behaviors‘. It’s similar in some ways to the above, but more specific. Words are very powerful tools, as all we bloggers know! That’s why most of us do what we do! They can help or harm. Words can change the path of someone’s life, for good or ill.

What this particular woman was saying though, if you speak prejudice words, then it will shape your behaviors. She was speaking about our politicians. What people say often will show what they will do (or not do). This is important to keep in mind when choosing our officials, friends, partners and anyone we keep near.

Listen with both ears wide open, check for clues! Some people may be subtle in their language, although many aren’t. Our language, whether spoken or written, is what makes us human. We must all try to think before we speak–a lesson that’s been hard-earned for me and one I’m still learning.

So with these two thoughts in mind, I face my year. The goal is to make my reality as positive as possible and make sure my language matches my behaviors. And ultimately that others may find me a decent person.

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The Choice


After much agonizing and soul-searching, I’ve decided to go with the first job. In fact, I’m not even going to the second interview tomorrow. I’ve had wonderful advice from my dear and devoted friends, and my heart has whispered to me too.
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We must listen: both to our heart and our friends! Both can know our souls when our brain may not. When we are quiet and don’t rush, the answers can come. This is growth for me, as I used to make many decisions hastily and without consideration. These came, often, with deep regrets as their hand-maidens.

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So, after balancing, I’ve realized these things: my best furry friend would be miserable after 12-hours of me being gone, even if I could run home briefly to let him out for a quick bathroom run. It simply is not fair to him and he is important to me–he is family after all. He made the sacrifice, leaving his home faraway to come all the way here, so now I must do what’s best for him too.

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Plus the first job is considerably more pay because it carries more responsibility (which will be cool) and started out with such good karma! The staff was so great and kind and saw my worth and recommended me for the better job immediately. This is the place I should be. The second position had some negative karma and the patient contact is really minimal–nothing compared to what I’ve been used to as a paramedic.

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It’s the right choice–I know this to be true. So I will start the New Year with joy and excitement. Some trepidation too, but soon I will settle in and be rolling along feeling comfortable in my new position!

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Thanks for all your support!!

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Happy 2014


 

As we wrap up 2013 and look ahead to a new year, I find myself in a very different place. Last year was a place of searching, pain and digging deep. But I believe I’ve come through to the other side and as I approach 60 years old (!), I can finally say I’m reaching real inner peace.

This is a time for many of us to set our resolutions. And when I looked at our local paper where they had randomly picked people on the street and asked them theirs, I noted most had inward facing ones. Last year was my year of inward facing resolutions I suppose. As I ground through the garbage of my past and tried to see into the mist of the my future, last year was basically centered around me.

We all need years where we focus on ourselves to heal, grow and hopefully expand. And once these tasks are accomplished we are ready to face the world as our new selves. I’d like to believe we face it with strength, energy, love and joy if we’ve done the hard work.

So this year, while I won’t stop keep working on me, my main goal is to face outward more. To give more and do service to others. Service for people who need it and want it. I’ve spent many years and much energy on people who really don’t want my help. And now it’s time to shift that energy in a more receptive population.

Also I hope to spend more time giving to the environment, animals and anywhere else I see a need. I’m ready to take the inner peace and strength I’ve gained through this last year and spread the vibrations.

May you all have mindful, realistic and magical resolutions that will ripple through this year to make you and this world better!

Happy New Year!

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Photo: Christmas Day


 

Today was an interesting Christmas day. It didn’t really feel like Christmas, maybe because my kids are older, maybe cause it’s Wednesday and I had to work the day before and after. Maybe the spirit just doesn’t move me as much anymore? I’m not sure, but I still try to dig deep to get some of the feelings to rise to the surface.

I’m a gift giver every day of the week and don’t need a special holiday to tell me to give. A co-worker told me the other day that I was ‘sucking up’ to two important people in the world of emergency medicine because I gave them each a gift! I found that statement rather offensive. Partly because this person ‘sucks ups’ to our Chief all the time, but also because they obviously miss the whole point of giving.

I tried to explain that it has nothing to do with that, but rather has to do with thanking someone and with respect. But I’m sure my words were lost on this person. Funny, but I pointed out that I gave him a gift too and I certainly have no need to suck up to him!

But today had its good points: two of my three daughters were home for a bit and we opened a small amount of gifts. No-one seemed to mind that there was nothing big or special this year. My youngest and I each gave the other a pottery cup from the same artisan obtained from a craft fair. That was very cool. We have the same taste. She also knit her boyfriend a lovely stocking that was ‘commissioned’ by me, and I stuffed it. But then she surprised me and made me one too! I was stunned and happy, but also surprised since no-one ever gets me a single stocking stuffer! But I have one heck of a stocking now! And it was the first year in forever my middle daughter was actually able to purchase gifts for us since she’s working at Wal-mart! She was very proud. So was I.

And then they were off into their other lives and I actually skipped off to do something too. It was rather cool that I actually had something to do! Usually I sit home Christmas day and do nothing. So maybe this is the year of good things. I hope so.

It’s been a tough year for the world: the weather has been wild, wracking havoc on the world. There have been wars and conflicts that have killed millions. Hunger and poverty, and other human tragedy beyond belief still runs rampant.

Here I sit, so insulated by my cozy pellet stove, with a full stomach, knowing my children are OK, with dogs that eat better that most children in the world! I pray for things to change, and world leaders to come to their senses and stop putting innocent people in their path of political foolishness. Hope that they begin to realize there are other ways to solve differences and conflict besides war.

So my holiday and New Year wishes are not only for myself and my family, but more far-reaching: I hope the peace that I have found in my soul this year is a peace I can spread. And that someday all humans can live with the same comforts, security and joy that I am so blessed to have.

Merry Christmas

Shooting Star


shooting starI saw a shooting star tonight while I was driving home. It took up one-quarter of the night sky and was very clear and bright. Haven’t seen one in a very long time–at least not by itself and not part of a meteor shower. I’m choosing to take it as a sign. A sign for good things to come! It happened while I was thinking about a plan for the new year. One I had contemplated after my accident but seemed too daunting to tackle. I’m seriously revisiting it now. And will put into motion steps to start to research if it is feasible, possible, workable and would be something that will bring me my one New Year’s resolution: happiness. Sometimes just to act of thinking about a new possibility is enough to bring joy. So this is a good thing already. But my biggest issue always seems to be that once I decide to do something is to have the patience to get through the process! This would be pretty monumental so patience would be necessary. And it would be something that I would have to handle in baby steps so I am not overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all. A whole new adventure…. When the star soared through the sky I made my wish!  It was such an amazing meteor, so I’m pretty darn sure it will! Here’s hoping you all get your wishes for 2013 too.