Poem: Shot & Other Sadness Thoughts

They are gone

yet we tread on

dead-eyed zombies

feasting upon what they left behind

Their flickering ghosts

flash upon screens

and disappearing voices

echo to screams

yet we watch


their dying dreams


I was handed my sadness like a suitcase when they pushed me out the door so long ago. It has been with me since then; something I hold near me as a reminder of the pain. But it is also a gift. A beacon to see pain in all other things. I carry that with me too. So this is why I will never truly feel at peace–not fully. Only tiny bits, at moments here and there. Because what I am meant to carry is a story of sorrow. And this sorrow gathers sadness and pain within it and to hide in the crevices, unreachable, forever.



Gimme Shelter

Yes I am sheltering in place even though Mother Nature is about to unleash her wrath and fury upon the land where I live. I’ve received numerous worried phone calls and texts from friends and love ones of concern at my half-baked plan to stay. Their feelings that I should evacuate, or should have days ago, have been coming across loud and clear.

Agreed, it’s all a bit freaky. The worst hurricane in the Atlantic in history!! Yikes. This doesn’t leave for a good nights sleep mind you. And yet, I plan to stay and wait it out. Am I simply nuts?

Well, no, I don’t think so. Having been an emergency worker for 20 years, I wouldn’t choose to shelter in place without giving it some good hard thought and without reasons. Maybe my reasons are emotional ones: my pets and my mother, but I still feel the gamble is worth it.

Where I live is not in a flood zone and my apartment building is a cement box. I’m on the first floor and have hurricane windows on most of windows and on the ones I don’t, I put up my shutters. I have candles, canned food, batteries and will fill up lots of things with water, including my bath tub. And then I will simply wait.

Sure, we may lose power, but after being without power for 11 days in New England in the middle of winter without a wood stove, I guess I can handle it. I have a small battery charger for my phone, and if my car doesn’t get wrecked, then I can charge my phone in my car to let folks know I’m OK.

As long as my Mom, my pets and I’m OK, I really don’t care if I lose stuff. There is nothing I own that is more important to me than my ‘family’. Things can always be replaced. If it blows away or gets wet… so be it. Maybe I’ll end up in the land of Oz…

And the upside of these disasters is that it always brings out the best in humans. Maybe Mother nature does this to reminds us of our need to care about each other. My neighbors have been great. (Note: my neighbor for Canada flew BACK to be here for his Mom and just stopped by to make sure I was alright and didn’t need any help!)

So, yes, I’m staying and hopefully it won’t be a mistake. If it is, well, it won’t be my first mistake. If it’s the last, well…we all gotta go sometime.

Oh, a storm is threat’ning
My very life today
If I don’t get some shelter
Oh yeah, I’m gonna fade away

The Rolling Stones

Feeling Naked

So I had some photos for here today but then calamity struck and my smart phone died for good today. One second it worked, the next…the screen was black. Well, this isn’t completely true. You see, I had dropped it one too many times and the screen was quite cracked. In fact, there were hunks of glass missing from it! So much so, my co-workers had begun to tease me about getting glass shards in my fingers when I made calls. Ah, but I was reluctant to part with my phone. I loved my phone! Sad state of the world today when somebody loves their phone, no?

But luckily I had purchased a new one in advance for when the day did arrive (as predicted) and it would suddenly crash. I looked on my plan, and of course it wasn’t due to expire for over a year! And of course all the phones I liked were way too expensive. Then someone told me I could just go on Amazon and buy one! Sometimes I’m so dumb. Who knew? See I’m someone who thinks like this: why the heck would a carrier like Verizon have something like a plan where you couldn’t buy a phone from them for a two years when you could just easily go off and buy one somewhere else? Doesn’t that seem dumb? Why would they want to lose business like that these days? Get with the program people and get over yourselves. I mean they even let you activate these new phones online. Verizon does! I don’t get it! Actually I did it right on the phone itself!

So here I am now, with this crappier phone though (because I didn’t want to spend that much money yet) and it’s not quite charged, and I can’t get the back off yet to put the old SD card in for the camera and media stuff. I’m a bit frustrated right now. And it’s amazing how naked I feel without my phone. I no longer have a ‘land line’ either. My phone had everything on it too: all my banking, my social media connections, my contacts, my pictures, my music, my apps…well, my life. Sounds crazy…but it’s how I feel.

I guess there are plenty of people who live without cell phones still. I’m not quite sure how they manage. Not that I’m crazy with mine. It’s not like I’d go on a date and be on it the whole time I was with someone. There’s a point of rudeness for sure. But they surely do serve a wonderful purpose also. I’ve often wondered if Romeo and Juliet had cell phones how different that outcome would have been? Wouldn’t have been much of a tragedy then, eh? She could have just called and said, “Hey, so I’m gonna take this drug you know, pretend I’m dead…no biggie”. Would have saved everyone a lot of grief. But Shakespeare would have been out one really sweet play.

So I just hope I can get this thing up and running at least for phone service by tomorrow. Sure, I’d love to get some app’s flying too, but I’d settle for my contacts at least. Although I did see the Facebook Icon on there….so that was a good start. Next tackle: yahoo mail and then WordPress! Night all!