Poem: Crash Landing

Blood and albumin

pulled into a syringe

holding the life force

and skirting extraneous aspects of belief

Dodging a bullet

others take the blow to the head

but come out unchanged

While I fill my veins with The Tempest’s smack

and wake where

Dorothy sang



Just Right

“In the right place, under the right conditions, you can finally stretch out into what you are supposed to be. ” — Lab Girl by Hope Jahren


How long do we wait for the right place and the right conditions? It may seem to some of us that we take a long time to stretch out; that we spend much of our lives contorted and bursting apart just to come together again. I have.

The right conditions seem to involve some sort of special magic; a particular brew that mixes together to concoct the spell where the microcosm in which we move feels easy and the skin that we wear no longer needs tailoring.

Some folks that we meet seem to have been born with this magic as they whirl around with the twinkling Universe hovering nearby. But most of us aren’t so lucky. Some of us seek it, but I see now this maybe isn’t how it works. It may be more like how a seed turns into a tree. It’s just dumb luck. It just waits encased in its shell until all the conditions are perfect and then bursts forth into the world.

But most don’t get this far.

Maybe I’ve just tried too hard to make everything happen. Can I be more like that seed? Just quietly sitting on the forest floor gathering the magic conditions to crack me open. Will I be one of the lucky ones?

And once I am that wonderful entity, crawling with life and fluttering with each breath of wind, my roots firmly reaching in all directions: then I will know I am who I am supposed to be.

Like A Dummy

No-one like to feels like a dummy. But I think we all can agree that the first day of any new job can make any of us feel that way. Even if it’s a job that we may have experience doing, but especially if it’s something new or if we’re rusty doing it. Then, it’s easy to feel like we’re back in elementary school when the teacher calls on us and we don’t know the answer.

Today was my first day at my new job! And mind you, I made a conscious decision to get out of healthcare! So I totally understood that I could make myself look silly starting over at something completely different. I simply could not take it any longer in a field that I personally feel is rampant with unhappy, over-worked and often petty employees.

So I began to apply to anything that remotely appealed to me or where I thought I might have a half a chance of getting a job. I had certain criteria of course: Part-time was preferable for the pets; close to home if possible; if it had to be a big corporation again, then hopefully it would be decent or have good benefits with it; and if I was lucky, maybe be something I actually wanted to do! Another dream part of the job, of course, would be if I ended up working with great people….

Well, I’ve ended up in a sweet little position working as a cashier at a local Farm market. The farm itself is huge and specializes in sustainability, organic vegetables and fruit, locally grown also, U-pick on the property, all sorts of local breads and other wonderful items. What a difference working in a place that smells nice! It can’t compare to the smells on the ambulance!

They had a sign on the Cash register that said: Cashier in training, Be Nice! So they even have a sense of humor. As I bumbled along trying to figure out why they considered an avocado a fruit and which items were sold singly and which by the pound, my customers were very patient. And even though I thought I knew my vegetables pretty well having been a vegetarian for 40 years, a rutabaga looks pretty much like a turnip when you’re in a hurry.

A place that has a 21-year-old in charge because he’s been there since he got out of High School (he told me his goal is actually to become a fire fighter/paramedic–imagine that), can’t be all bad. And they even have an AED, so while the boss wants me to save him if he has a cardiac arrest, he wasn’t sure the batteries were working. Yikes. Stick with farming dude!

So while I was nervous and felt like pretty dumb at times, everyone was helpful and assured me at the end of the shift, I wasn’t fired yet. Even though I didn’t do a very good job wrapping the breads that came in either. Maybe it’s just the perfectionist in me? And this place seems to have my most/all of my criteria for jobs too? Time will tell…

But riding home in my car I thought: gee, I used to save lives didn’t I? I guess eventually I’ll get the hang of this won’t I? Of course I’m older now…but like we used to say in the back of the ambulance: just pretend you know what you’re doing and be nice. The customer/patient may not notice it’s not true…..


Today I needed lots of things to happen. It was an important day. I needed to shine for sure, but it’s never a bad thing when the stars are aligned and a bit of luck happens too. I don’t know about you, but I look for signs on days like these. Always have and I’m sure I always will. Today was no different.

As luck would have it, as soon as I walked into the place I was to have an important meeting, I immediately saw someone I knew. Not only did I know him, but I had been thinking of him the night before and wanted to speak with him about setting something up with his Fire Chief and his Department with regards to me joining. Fate! There he was, many miles from where we both lived and was one of the first people I saw as I entered the building. We even had just enough time to talk, about my plan and about the meeting I was about to have as he had been through it himself at a different time.

Then a woman came out to greet me for the meeting and I knew her too! Not that unusual given the nature of the meeting. It’s a small world in my field. And one of the other folks on the panel was someone I’ve known for years also. So it went pretty well and I felt good. I grabbed my coat and purse to leave and looked down and there on the floor I saw a penny, heads up. Ah…lucky penny! A sign for sure. Given it all, maybe I can be hopeful.

In the end we must cling on to the positive. That’s really what it comes down to in the end. Looking at the positives signs in the universe for why things are meant to be. Sometimes signs can be very subtle, sometimes they bang you over the head because they are so obvious. It’s a matter of being open to observing, listening, smelling and using all ones senses. It’s very primeval. We used to have to read the signs to survive, but sadly we’ve lost that skill. We have so many things telling us what to do now. We don’t trust our instincts anymore and need proof of everything.

But we all know there are days that are going to be good…we feel it and all the signs are there. Lucky things happen those days. And some days where nothing seems to go right. I feel we have the ability to change those days by actively thinking about it and looking for the positive things. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it’s always possible.

So I will accept whatever the outcome is from today. I know what I would like the outcome to be and I know I saw a lucky penny and other things happened that showed me that I was on the right path. So I will believe that what I want to happen will happen. And I will continue to envision myself already in the future where I want to be. And it’s good.