Facing The Monster


Accusers and accused. There are many of these both in the news lately. Whose stories are true? What side do we choose to believe? And why do the stories seem to play out the same way each time?

At least that how it seems to me, but could we change the ending somehow? A woman comes forward to accuse a man of some kind of sexual assault from their past. The man is a high-profile figure so the story hits the news, but we all know that these stories have struck a chord because so many women have had similar experiences in their lives (including me).

Once the man stands accused, he usually claims he didn’t do it–in a very loud voice–until it turns out that we learn he did because other women come forward, or investigation into his past concludes it was true. So why then do these men say they didn’t do it?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, especially with the most recent allegations which are particularly disturbing to me, and I came up with this conclusion.

Many of us hold parts of our past we would rather forget (me included); ones that when we dare look back on them produce feelings of shame and regret. So rather than look at them, we compartmentalize them or even pretend they didn’t happen. We may actually believe they didn’t. Some folks are particularly good at this skill and humans are quite resilient and can learn to adapt to their dirty deeds and go on quite well.

What happens, though, when someone comes along and opens the door to the shame that has been hidden away and it shows its nasty head. The obvious reaction would be to say: no, no–of course I didn’t do that thing! It wasn’t me. That beast has been hiding so long it has become unfamiliar, a part of ourselves we have chosen to forget.

But, as this creature stands before us a while, I feel it should begin to take shape and start to become more visible. Letting it out of the box to stand out in the open and taking a good look at it instead of denying it, can actually help defuse its power. Because ultimately it is a part of us, no matter how bad it was, it was something we did. The first part of letting go is admitting to something.

At this point, if the accused could then face the accuser and simply say: yes, I did it, it was bad and I’m sorry I hurt you–how would that change the story? Would we all feel differently? Could then the accuser introduce forgiveness into the equation? Maybe. Hopefully.

And then maybe the healing could really begin: for everyone.

 

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Poem: Again?


Love again

in the way

a soaking rain

pours down so steady

and fills up

the thirsty soil

Not needy

but a necessary

combination

of opportunities

where one without

the other

doesn’t make

quite as much

sense

Poem/Song: My World Will Be OK


As I step outside

into the warmth and light

out of the dark and hollow

past pain and inner fights

 

From places unfamiliar

where I was forced to stay

moving now towards the future

My world will be OK

 

I’ve cried so many tears

and felt a crush of heartache

the roads have been rough

easy ones I did not take

 

It felt like I was a loner

on dark and private days

Yet I always saw a glimmer

that my world would be OK

 

With my past I drift

and some blinders that darken me

to set sail for a future

where tomorrow is eternity

 

So my world will be OK

I will find my way

pass the past

through today

and maybe someday

it will be OK

Poem: Dirty Wind


Born on a cloud

then

blown by the dirty wind

and caught in the corners

of an unnamed road

Picked up again and again

thrown into a hailstorm of frozen

pebbles

that bang together

but later

melt

turning fluid

then eventually

evaporate into nothing

and disappear within

the world

Poem: Convergence


We meet upon the rubbled path

as comrades often do

weary travelers in a lonely place

not by chance the journey crossed

By the crackling fire

shared stories told resting long and slow

of future climbs and mountains high

and moonlit rivers flowing near

Our hearts have been separate

but souls have been in sync

recognizing kindred spirits

and distant hopeful dreams

With these bonding moments

promises are cast

someday in a future life

the trail may yet converge

A single road then

we shall walk

together side by side

To create a burning reality

from a bridge of given thoughts

that passed between

us two

 

 

 

 

Poem: Patiently


I walk in power

my heels lit on fire

and silver curls sparkling

reflecting the full moon

in the eclipse of staring eyes

Quietly I cast my soulful spell

stirred in mystic hope

Desire floats and flits

and brushes up against the unsuspecting

who turn with sugared words

their hands moving sweetly so near

through fairy glamour

Yet this is not the happy ending

for magic knows its course

It will fly for eons hungry

seeking out the perfect story

Until that time comes present

I watch the starry night

with moon beam brilliance

and comet tail flight

for my magic to come home

So when it does

I shall be here

waiting patiently

 

 

Poem: The Chase


You passed again today

through my wandering mind

your dusty shadow

shimmering in the graying light

I followed among the scattered leaves

that blow with whispers

so near the winds of thought

and wonder where you lead

Yet there is a ray of simmering light

amidst the darkened hollow

that echos in my brain

A day will come

when you shall stop

and slowly turn around

And in this precious moment

my eyes will finally learn

who hides behind the chase