Poem: Speck And Observation


The rain it falls

and forests burn

Pink sun she rises

constellations turn

 

Insects forever crawl

dull rivers flow

Hot deserts whither

Nor’easters blow

 

Dirt and bone

we come and go

The earth moves on

and does not owe

 

 

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Jinxed?


Have you ever felt like you are just jinxed? Certainly there are days that just feel like you set your feet down and no matter what you do to try to make the day good–smile at everyone, say your mantra, speak positive speak, or whatever– the day keeps dealing you harsh stuff. But I’m talking about a theme that keeps running through your life that makes you wonder if you pissed someone off in your last life?

I am someone who truly believes that we create our own realities. And I believe I work very hard almost all the time (I say almost because I’m not perfect) to be the best person/friend/co-worker I can be. A good friend of mine recently paid me a wonderful compliment. It has to go down in the book of “the most awesome compliments paid by a friend” book. She said that I had taught her so much and that I had such a good heart. We are very different people the two of us. And yet I could tell she saw my worth on a deep level and I had touched her. It was such a wonderful moment.

And yet, when I wanted so much to be in a relationship with a man, I couldn’t seem to find the right one. So many years passed, with so many painful interactions. I really wondered if there was something wrong with me? I’ve come to accept and even embrace my “singleness” now, but for the longest time it seemed as though I was jinxed.

Now it feels the same way with regards to my career. I’ve been stagnating for a long time. There have been a few times I’ve tried to step out of it and head in a different direction. But nothing seems to come of it. I can’t seem to figure out where to head or a job I apply for doesn’t come through. I know I am stuck for sure, but I don’t know how to get unstuck and each good opportunity I try for seems to get, well, jinxed.

I’m not a gloom and doom person generally, but I feel like I’m battling a deep sadness sometimes. It’s like I see the joy so clearly but there are these unknown forces keeping me from it? I know this isn’t true, but some days it just feels that way. I am just trying to keep up the positive talk and looking at all the good in my life. There is much I know: I do have a job and it’s decent. I help people every day. That’s a good thing. I just want an opportunity to do something different with my talents….

Hopefully the clouds will part and the good stuff will all come pouring in. I want all the magic to start happening and doors to open. Until then, I will keep being the person I am and put out my good stuff and hope it comes back tenfold. And maybe whatever karma from the last life will fade away if I work hard enough.