Unicorns


Last night I was visited by two Golden Unicorns. Interestingly I never knew that such a thing existed until I read about them the next day. They were agitated when I saw them, and surrounded by a glowing light, as though it was just after a storm and the sun was about to come out from  behind a cloud. I believe it was a male and female, but I’m not sure how I know this…I just did. And somehow, I was there to help them. They ran to and fro as I watched them.

They are drawn to gardens I read (but I did not know prior), and there was a woman too that I met. She was quirky and fey, in a greenhouse type structure, but outside too. This woman, with grayish hair, was moving plants from this large garden, from one pot to another. She was making more plants. I was hoping to apprentice with her.

It was a busy area, with many people, almost like a fair. I kept noticing people I knew from the past and present walking by me.

But the unicorns captured my attention. No-one else seemed to notice them. Maybe they were there for my eyes only. Their sighting brings me hope and delight. I know it means good things are in store for me. While it was a bit disturbing that they were upset, I hope I was there to help them too. And together we helped each other.

While I was meditating on their visit this morning, I recalled this piece of pottery that I found years and years ago. I’ve carried it around with me all this time…

Peace be with the Golden Unicorns…

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The Crazy Man?


I readily admit a feeling of doom and gloom, not just because of yesterday…but life in general has been seeming blah. I’ve been working over-time to keep my spirits up, and during my meditation this morning, my old thoughts crept in. Those dark and bleak thoughts where I convince myself that I don’t know how to be positive for very long, that life always seems to put stuff in my path to make me feel low or lost.

Luckily, I don’t stay in this place very long these days…but it stinks that I go there at all. It seems like a shadow that follows me, on sunny days as well as rainy. It lurks just around the corner, like the crazy man smoking the cigarette by the lamp-post–the one that is a bit scary and mysterious all at the same time.

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But happily some good things are happening to get me out of this slump I’m in, thank goodness. By luck, an old and dear friend is visiting. We all know there is nothing like friends to cheer us. Being surrounded by love and those that accept us for who we are without trying to change us is so important as times like these, especially when we are at odds with ourself and questioning our sense of self. For someone to take time away from work and to pay to visit really means a lot to me.

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The other good news (although slightly bittersweet) is that my old home will finally close on Monday. It has dragged on for over a year and I’m really ready to be done with it all. In the end, it didn’t turn out as well as I would have liked, and I was probably a sucker. Sometimes I am nicer than I should be and folks take advantage of my good nature. That was the case here. But hopefully I will gain some Mitzvah in the book of heaven? Or I am creating good Karma or at the very least the whole darn thing will be over once and for all.

I will miss that house and all its beautiful memories. This apartment can never compare in many ways: the gardens, the peace, the lake, the woods, the birds, the sunsets…. But its time has passed. And I am so grateful to be here with my Mom.

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And I’m so blessed for the friends I have now, who accept me, even when I disagree and speak my mind. They seem to understand my moods, my faults and how I can be different. I am lucky that I can call on them to vent, to cry or to be silent for they will always listen and not judge me.

So even if the world may change in a way I might not like or agree with, my tiny world will stay the same as long as I have those near and dear to me close by. And we will continue to keep our world filled with love, kindness, empathy and compassion for each other at least–and there’s usually some left over for others that may need it too.

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Mother’s Day 2014


This Mother’s day was quite wonderful for a change! It was the first real day I could get out in the New England warmth and uncover all my flower beds. I tugged and pulled away all last year’s old growth, decaying leaves and twisty vines and let the fresh new buds and greens breathe and face their happy selves towards the sun. Two out of three of my daughters have made contact (which may be a record), and my youngest even gave me a lovely scarf. She and I walked on a local trail with all the pups, including her new puppy (my grand-dog) and it was great.

But the real highlight of my weekend was spending time with an old and dear friend.

Sometimes, like with our gardens, we have to clear away stuff that isn’t of any use to us anymore so we may grow again. And sometimes it takes drastic measures or distance or even a shaking up of something to see the forest for the trees. Such was this friendship.

I met this friend close to three years ago at a relay running race. I was the Captain for the EMT’s and he was a Transition Area Captain. My job is to hop from one transition area (TA) to another to make sure my EMT’s are there and all set. When I got to this particular one, where he was captain, I was standing near him (unbeknownst to me) talking to my EMT. He was kneeling hammering in a tent-peg. Almost simultaneously I looked down and he looked up and he said to me: will you marry me? And I said: yes. This without ever have spoken a word to each other before in our lives.

It was a funny, but telling, moment. From there we laughed and spoke and got to know each other for a bit. And I then moved on. At the end of the race, we talked a lot more and found out we had a lot in common. He was due to go into the Peace Corps in a number of months. I had intended on going, but circumstances lead me to be unable to do it. There were other things too–we were kindred spirits!

By the end of the race and night, it was like we had known each other a lifetime! When we had to part ways, there was a quick kiss goodbye and a promise to keep in touch. Which we did, and became best friends.

The next months though were challenging. He questioned going into the PC because of our relationship, but I was in a very bad space emotionally. Sadly, I wasn’t as good to him as I should have been and he decided going was the thing to do.

In the two plus years he was there, the communication became sparse. Our lives went on. But soon after he left I had my accident. And of course, everything happens for a reason.

He learned a lot while he was gone, mostly about himself. And I’ve learned so much about myself too–much due to my accident. This weekend was so interesting for both of us. I know I wondered if he would notice any changes in me, but we are close enough and the gap of time made it obvious. And I certainly saw he had grown too.

It is so wonderful to have my friend back and to know that sometimes the good things stay just under the surface ready to grow again once you rake away the stuff that was weighing it all down. And that true friends are willing to see the heart of who’s inside of you, help you fertilize your soul, forgive the weeds that may tangle up your psyche now and again and throw sunshine on the days ahead.

Happy Mother’s Day!