Poem: Long Ago


Long ago

two strangers met

and their fate was sealed

 

A child’s life

had been hurt

but a woman helped it heal

 

She took her hand

and brought her home

to help her learn to feel

 

Some days were hard

and both felt pain

life could feel surreal

 

But the woman

always was there for her

through every life ordeal

 

So even though

not by birth

as my Mother you are real

 

Dedicated to my dear Mom on her 91st birthday. You are my heart and soul. Thank you for the day you found me, brought me home and have helped me on my journey ever since!

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Poem: The Unexpected


Walk slowly into the day

feet firmly planted

on the solid ground

one

ahead

of the other

Before the earth

tilts

and everything begins

rushing

at warp speed

into a completely

unrecognizable

world

Poem: What If Karma Wins?


Even if meditating

in the perfect position

Jasmine blossom blowing by

a sweet silent prayer

Hands folded to that Higher Power

or knees bent

softly in bedside pew

Begging and apologizing

then carefully listening

for the silent reply

Giving up this to make up for that

promises and finger crosses

while sacrifice paves the pitted road

Yet it just seems to go one way

no matter where you stand

Is destiny the conductor

after all

and no choices ours to weave

 

 

Poem: To Those I Know By Heart


People are songs

melodic magicians

who orchestrate the chorus

of our hymnal life

Some drift out

in random times

where their notes are left

to dissipate

within the holy air

Others repeat over and over

stuck in the groove

the turning wheel

of fate

which plays endlessly

on and on

And there are those that

blast

loudly around our bones

only to shake us down

to listen for them

alone

quietly in the descending night

But

the ones that hum within us

and weave gently around our key

are easy familiar tunes

we will always

know by heart

Heartbeats


It struck me today as I was busting a gut on the workout equipment at the gym, that I heard somewhere that we only have so many heartbeats in our life time. So here I am, with my heart racing away and I think: is it good or bad that I’m working out so hard like this and all the years I did it? If we only have so many heartbeats allotted to us, then if we raise our heart rate working out so much, won’t we use those heart beats up sooner? Or is the converse true and we create a stronger heart like the American Heart Association would like us to believe? Or doesn’t it really matter??

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Are the number of heart beats given to us figured out ahead of time? I’m sure some would say yes, along with the exact moment we are going to die, so who cares if we do this or anything else, because it’s all planned no matter what anyway?

And yet some of us work really hard to extend our lives by eating right, exercising, keeping our stress down, wearing our seat belts and doing all the right things. But we know, somewhere keep down in our subconscious, that when it’s our time, we can’t beat the facts. We maybe aren’t extending anything really because it will happy anyway–just the way it’s supposed to, when the beats are up.

Humans like to feel they are in control. So we keep on those treadmills, hoping that it’s helping rather than beating us closer to our allotted usage. Some like to test fate and do crazy things, but I’m not a gambler. I’ll be here far shorter than I’ll be gone. I plan to cherish it and play it safe as I can.

But if all the right things I have done don’t take me to all the heartbeats I hope to get to, well then, it hasn’t been a waste anyway. Because the choices I made were for other reasons too, so I’m perfectly satisfied I made them!

It’s Pouring!


Oh my goodness–where to begin! All I can think of is clichés:

When it rains it pours!

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The biblical saying: My cup runneth over!

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I feel simply overwhelmed and like some magical hand is guiding my steps. Again something amazing and fateful has happened, and may (I say may) lead me down yet another job direction.

As of yet, I still have not heard the final approval from the hospital where I went and did all the tests. It’s odd because I could have sworn the HR woman told me I would hear by the end of last week?? I even went so far as to call HR, and they said it could take up to 5 days…which would be about today, but still: crickets. Hmmm?

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Now I rather doubt I flunked the pee test. I haven’t been near any illegal drugs since I was in my 20’s (some 40 years ago)–but maybe it’s something else? Or maybe I heard wrong and they aren’t getting ahold of me. Maybe I just show up January 4th for Orientation?

Anyway, today I had decided to email to find out. I literally had my hand poised over the keyboard to compose that email, when my phone rang. It was yet another hospital about a job I had applied to like 26 days ago! The HR woman was checking about my cover letter, and if what I said in there was true. It seemed like fate again guiding me.

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You see, I kind of went out on a limb. For once I threw caution to the wind and came right out and said I knew I was over-qualified and that I didn’t want to be a paramedic any longer. I also said money wasn’t everything, only being happy at what you did every day. And yes, this IS actually true for me. All of the stuff I said.

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This position is a patient liaison in an emergency room in a hospital one mile from my apartment! It’s less money and 12 hour shifts x 3 days per week (compared to 8 hour shift x 5 days), but with patient contact, unlike the other one. Apparently the head nurse did not believe that I truly wanted this position and believed I would get into it and then apply as a medic. But I said no, I was retired as a paramedic. So the HR woman called the RN and told her.

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So I now have an interview for this position! The question will be–IF they offer it–which do I take and will it all fall into place? The timing is all very close!

Of course there are positive and negative points with both. My heart, for sure, is with the new position: with the patient contact, in the ER where my ‘home’ has been for 20 years. But they are both great jobs. I would be happy with either.

I honestly can’t believe how lucky I am. Everyone should have problems like this I suppose…

So stay tuned for the updates. Let me know what you think? The Universe may just well decide for me anyway…

Let’s just hope I end up with one of them at least!!

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Circumstance


Lately I’ve been trying to perform a little experiment to try to get some interesting photos. Normally, on my walk every morning, I see a trove of squirrels dancing and playing about, often running in my path. Following the lead of some fellow walkers, I’ve been carrying peanuts to lure them into some new and interesting antics, hopefully to catch with my lens.

But alas, it seems as soon as I have this great idea, they all remain in the trees, chittering and scolding me, refusing to come down, or I see none at all for days in a row.  As in life, it seems the more we want something, the less likely to have it as circumstance puts up walls to block our way.

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I’m transported back to my dating days, hot on the trail for love and the perfect soul-mate. Willing, at times,  to do just about anything to grab this ghostly image that seemed to have drifted in and out of my life. I would create a new me, better and more full of light–and post it out there time and time again for the world to see.

But sometimes fate has it, that an open hand may only let things fall through, much like grasping at water and trying to hold on to it. And yet, there are those that instead ride on a plane and find a 30 year marriage with the person seated next to them without looking at all. It’s purely destiny one might say.

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Tomorrow I walk into another job interview. It was my hand that typed on the computer and entered the application and that will shake the hand of the HR person. That grasping hand. But it will be kismet too that brings others to the pool of applicants to be interviewed.

This does not mean we do not try to change fate the best we can. Wearing my best smile and carrying with me confidence, I will try to bend the corners of circumstance so that only I am left in the room.

And I left a peanut for that sassy squirrel, so the next time he sees the crazy lady shaking the bag, maybe fate will give me my photo when I see him again.

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Signs


Today I needed lots of things to happen. It was an important day. I needed to shine for sure, but it’s never a bad thing when the stars are aligned and a bit of luck happens too. I don’t know about you, but I look for signs on days like these. Always have and I’m sure I always will. Today was no different.

As luck would have it, as soon as I walked into the place I was to have an important meeting, I immediately saw someone I knew. Not only did I know him, but I had been thinking of him the night before and wanted to speak with him about setting something up with his Fire Chief and his Department with regards to me joining. Fate! There he was, many miles from where we both lived and was one of the first people I saw as I entered the building. We even had just enough time to talk, about my plan and about the meeting I was about to have as he had been through it himself at a different time.

Then a woman came out to greet me for the meeting and I knew her too! Not that unusual given the nature of the meeting. It’s a small world in my field. And one of the other folks on the panel was someone I’ve known for years also. So it went pretty well and I felt good. I grabbed my coat and purse to leave and looked down and there on the floor I saw a penny, heads up. Ah…lucky penny! A sign for sure. Given it all, maybe I can be hopeful.

In the end we must cling on to the positive. That’s really what it comes down to in the end. Looking at the positives signs in the universe for why things are meant to be. Sometimes signs can be very subtle, sometimes they bang you over the head because they are so obvious. It’s a matter of being open to observing, listening, smelling and using all ones senses. It’s very primeval. We used to have to read the signs to survive, but sadly we’ve lost that skill. We have so many things telling us what to do now. We don’t trust our instincts anymore and need proof of everything.

But we all know there are days that are going to be good…we feel it and all the signs are there. Lucky things happen those days. And some days where nothing seems to go right. I feel we have the ability to change those days by actively thinking about it and looking for the positive things. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it’s always possible.

So I will accept whatever the outcome is from today. I know what I would like the outcome to be and I know I saw a lucky penny and other things happened that showed me that I was on the right path. So I will believe that what I want to happen will happen. And I will continue to envision myself already in the future where I want to be. And it’s good.