Endless Mind


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Living free may only be an illusion as there is always something hidden waiting to confine the beauty of unfettered space. Maybe an unsuspecting visitor or fence covered with lush camouflage that pretends to be part of the landscape. It fools and traps the wandering dreamer.

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Step by step the visionary may walk, hopeful of its future. And in the moment all seems at peace. The surrounding landscape is hushed and still. It lulls those that pass into a false sense of calm. But what may come at the next bend? Is all as it seems?

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Best to tread lightly these earthly footsteps. Cautiously move and trust home is within. Freedom may only be skin deep. Found in the echoes of  the ancestors. Search for it not in tomorrows, but inside the endless mind.

Poem: Reckless Rhyme


It’s just junk

So I’m in a funk

To wonder why this hunk

Of junk

Is dumped?

We walk by

On the fly

Wondering why?

There are theories to debunk 

The weather is a mess

The earth in distress 

Humans unwilling to confess

What if animals could speak 

Would they think it bleak?

And trees give cheek?

Either way 

I will say

My heart is gray 

We must stop today 

Or they’ll be much to pay 

Sponges


In one of my karmic lives, I must have been a sea creature–specifically some sort of sponge-like aquatic marine form no doubt. There I was, a mulitcelluar organism filled with pores so the water could just flow through me. As the oceans currents would flow around me, whether turbulent or calm, I sucked up the salty stream going my way.

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Well, not quite an ocean stream…

Now, in this life time, it appears I continue to suck up most things that float nearby me. The energy that is around me, whether positive or negative, seems to sink into my pores like a sponge out of water. It absorbs into me, even if I am trying hard to deflect it with the best of my defenses: meditation, positive self talk, exercise and simply just being happy myself.

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This doesn’t absorb water, it explodes with it from build up pressure!

As long as I can recall, I’ve been chided for not have that tougher skin, that shield to bounce the bad ju-ju of others off me. Nope, I never could do it successfully for very long. In fact, many years ago I would actively try to save every soul until (finally) I learned this was a lost cause and slowly ruining my soul.

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My ruined soul??

But even working hard to create my own bubble–with my absorbent nature–stuff seeps in and I find myself struggling to stay afloat, focused, energized and positive myself. It’s often the chameleon effect. I try to stay upbeat, but it becomes slowly draining and the sponge, more and more full of water, can hold no more. Simply wrung out.

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Just blending in…..

When being in an environment that is consistently difficult, trying to stay afloat is like treading water to exhaustion. Nothing can float forever and eventually one dips below the surface and, well, disappears. One loses oneself no matter how hard you try.

This isn’t what I want. If I once lived below the ocean, while a beautiful and wondrous place I’m sure, I am now a creature of light. It’s where I belong and am meant to be. Some days I feel like it’s hard to be around others because of their energy…but maybe it’s because I just haven’t found my tribe yet.

Meanwhile, I rejuvenate when I’m alone, work hard not to absorb when around others and continue to keep my head above water following the sun while looking for my island.

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Ahhhh….peace….someday? Maybe?
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Happy 2014


 

As we wrap up 2013 and look ahead to a new year, I find myself in a very different place. Last year was a place of searching, pain and digging deep. But I believe I’ve come through to the other side and as I approach 60 years old (!), I can finally say I’m reaching real inner peace.

This is a time for many of us to set our resolutions. And when I looked at our local paper where they had randomly picked people on the street and asked them theirs, I noted most had inward facing ones. Last year was my year of inward facing resolutions I suppose. As I ground through the garbage of my past and tried to see into the mist of the my future, last year was basically centered around me.

We all need years where we focus on ourselves to heal, grow and hopefully expand. And once these tasks are accomplished we are ready to face the world as our new selves. I’d like to believe we face it with strength, energy, love and joy if we’ve done the hard work.

So this year, while I won’t stop keep working on me, my main goal is to face outward more. To give more and do service to others. Service for people who need it and want it. I’ve spent many years and much energy on people who really don’t want my help. And now it’s time to shift that energy in a more receptive population.

Also I hope to spend more time giving to the environment, animals and anywhere else I see a need. I’m ready to take the inner peace and strength I’ve gained through this last year and spread the vibrations.

May you all have mindful, realistic and magical resolutions that will ripple through this year to make you and this world better!

Happy New Year!

Things I Would Like Soon


Today, twice, I heard mention of lists. The first was on NPR and it was in reference to songs–that some songs are done in the style of a list. A song like our favorite Christmas carol: Five golden Rings is an example of a ‘list’ song. The second mention of lists was at church today when the minister mentioned how this time of year was made up particularly of list making. We make lists of whom to send cards to, who to give gifts to, where to buy what, what needs to be baked..well, you get the idea.

To me, when events happen like this, it’s not random. It seems very serendipitous to me that these two events occurred. Maybe they are telling me it’s time for me to make a list too! And so I shall.

Things I would like soon:

To be more like my dog, resting and being peaceful whenever I’m not eating, going to the bathroom, playing or loving those around me.

I would like go to work and keep the attitude of patience I leave the house with despite becoming frustrated with all the things that come at me during the day.

Remembering my daughters when they were young and loving and keep that in my heart when they are disappointing and forget me on important days or even on not so important days.

To continue to give and be kind to those close to me even when they may not do the same back because it is always better to give than to receive anyway.

Never forget to keep my heart open to new opportunities for love, work, people and places because it may be just around the corner that the miracle may occur.

To stay committed to the environment even when it’s easy to be lazy and consider new ways to help more than I do now.

Keep focusing on my health, my body, my soul, my intellect even when others challenge me and try to make me feel my way of thinking is odd or not main stream.

Work harder on standing up and speaking out for justice, prejudice, equality, freedom, poverty and try to actively DO MORE!

And to dive into my heart and spread laughter, kindness, friendship and always walk within my beliefs, ethics and moral standards that all people deserve to live in peace and happiness.

These things I would like soon