Endless Mind


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Living free may only be an illusion as there is always something hidden waiting to confine the beauty of unfettered space. Maybe an unsuspecting visitor or fence covered with lush camouflage that pretends to be part of the landscape. It fools and traps the wandering dreamer.

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Step by step the visionary may walk, hopeful of its future. And in the moment all seems at peace. The surrounding landscape is hushed and still. It lulls those that pass into a false sense of calm. But what may come at the next bend? Is all as it seems?

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Best to tread lightly these earthly footsteps. Cautiously move and trust home is within. Freedom may only be skin deep. Found in the echoes of  the ancestors. Search for it not in tomorrows, but inside the endless mind.

Unicorns


Last night I was visited by two Golden Unicorns. Interestingly I never knew that such a thing existed until I read about them the next day. They were agitated when I saw them, and surrounded by a glowing light, as though it was just after a storm and the sun was about to come out from  behind a cloud. I believe it was a male and female, but I’m not sure how I know this…I just did. And somehow, I was there to help them. They ran to and fro as I watched them.

They are drawn to gardens I read (but I did not know prior), and there was a woman too that I met. She was quirky and fey, in a greenhouse type structure, but outside too. This woman, with grayish hair, was moving plants from this large garden, from one pot to another. She was making more plants. I was hoping to apprentice with her.

It was a busy area, with many people, almost like a fair. I kept noticing people I knew from the past and present walking by me.

But the unicorns captured my attention. No-one else seemed to notice them. Maybe they were there for my eyes only. Their sighting brings me hope and delight. I know it means good things are in store for me. While it was a bit disturbing that they were upset, I hope I was there to help them too. And together we helped each other.

While I was meditating on their visit this morning, I recalled this piece of pottery that I found years and years ago. I’ve carried it around with me all this time…

Peace be with the Golden Unicorns…

Poem: Sweet Lies


How many blown out wishes

just climb onto the curling smoke

and float away

I have breathed hard into my dreams

forced my diaphragm to believe

that blowing would make it true

The melting wax proves my plight

but the cavity left empty by sweet lies

leaves me wondering

if any of them

ever came true


 

The Music Of The Universe


Lately, in keeping with all the inner work I’ve been doing and with the great changes coming out of the last few years of my life, it has naturally moved me back to the more spiritual side of myself. In my past, the spiritual plane was almost equal to the plane in which I lived on a daily ‘normal’ basis. This meant I often felt very in tune with so much more around me and on a much deeper level: people, animals, the natural landscape and of course: the mystical.

Then, the course of my life got in the way, and this beautiful and magical part of my life slipped away  without me really noticing. The spiritual habits that I had practiced left me; all the ‘unexplained coincidences’ that would so often pop up joyfully in my life seemed to disappear and life just became a dull and routine existence.

Like so many of us, the tether to the unknown–to that thing beyond us–(call it what you may), isn’t always there unless you are really looking or open to it. Many just don’t believe, being simply too rooted in reality.

But we all have our own scopes of what reality may be. And I know that my reality had encompassed many things which could not be explained by scientific or simple explanations. You just had to be there to understand. To have faith in the powers and energies that flow. And I did.

So the time has gently begun to seem right, bit by bit, to reemerge within my spiritual self. To put back on my garland crown and flowing robes and step back into the circle once again. And I feel my power returning like an old friend. It was just waiting for my call.

My dreams have been full of visions, visitations and clarity. I use a dream book that I have to help interpret them and I’ve been writing them down in my journal, along with other long and inspired thoughts about my journey.

My interactions with people feel more purposeful and I am often drawn into deep conversations on a sidewalk with neighbors. Seeing people now brings me warmth rather than anxiety and I’m happy to share these moments and feel they are all meaningful.

Most things now feel part of my plan, that I am drawing all things to me. Some days I pick a tarot card to see what it might say, and often it will reflect what I have been feeling during my meditation. That nothing is random: I am creating this reality around me.

It has a been a very long walk to this place of inner peace; to be able to shrug off the demon within each time it threatens to claw its way to the surface. And now that I am dancing on my spiritual path once again, my peace is sweeter: for finally  I can hear the music of the Universe with my whole soul.

Awakening


Much of life can be spent in a dream like state–or sleep walking through it, appearing awake, but really unconscious. In looking back on my life, it feels as though I’ve lived it like this: half here, half somewhere else. Maybe my eyes were open , but I wasn’t really seeing what was around me.

Then I try to look back on this life, I have very few memories that I can latch onto. Friends of mine will often recall great details from the past. It amazes me when they pull minute details of a situation, place or conversation, and I have giant gaps from these times. It’s as though I wasn’t there: a dark figure, lurking in the background. Maybe I was really just a statue, a wax figure of the person that was me. Or I was dozing in another world, perched in a land where no-one could really reach me.

Or maybe I just have a bad memory?

It makes me sad sometimes that I can only grab glimpses from my past or put few pictures together of good times to weave the mosaic of my life. Here and there I see some if I think really, really hard, but they are distant and blurry.

But now I am waking up. I’ve begun to pour cold water in the recesses of my mind and slap myself the way doctors did years ago to get babies to take a first breath. I want to breathe. It’s time to breathe now the fresh desire of creation. To take footsteps forward in the land of the living, where one looks around and everything pulses with energy. That stone figure crouched in a corner has metamorphosed into a spirit. It has taken on life. Looking around it sees the beauty of the world, hears the humming of the planet and tastes the nectar of nature. It absorbs at a deeper level, tucking these senses within.

Aroused by the pulsating beat of the earth, my life is beginning to finally happen. The start was slow and messy, taking the circuitous route, but is coming back on itself to the now. It can take flight and the quickening of it all leaves me light. The weight falls away, and now I flutter open….

Yes, I am awake. I am awake.


Goodbyes


Goodbyes are convoluted and strange things.

Some goodbyes can come from a place of pain and sorrow. Two friends who have worked together for years, and now one is moving far, far away–and it’s the last day they will work in the same place. Oh, they will still always be friends, but this goodbye certainly changes the nature of their friendship as it morphs into another shape, more nebulous, less tangible and not as easy to grasp.

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Or the goodbye we say at a funeral, the quiet moments surrounding any loved one’s death. This one-sided, mournful, hollow goodbye cried out into the unknown. Some believe it may be heard and that we will meet again, but on this earthly plane, those tears, that goodbye can no longer be shared with the one that is gone.

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And there are angry goodbyes. Maybe two of us agree to say goodbye and both feel the heat of the word between us. When we turn our backs and decide to walk away, cut our losses and be done. But sometimes one takes the brunt of goodbye from another and is left standing alone and bereft of all that once made them whole. These are devastating goodbyes. These are almost worse than death in some ways as they are not finite so they leave us feeling in some ways this duplicity of hope and inadequacy.

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There’s just the simple goodbye: see ya later, bye bye, adios, au revior, ta ta… Like I’ll see you tomorrow and it’s no big deal. The thing to remember, though, is that we never know about tomorrow and what can happen. Things can suddenly change and maybe tomorrow won’t come. Maybe we won’t get the chance to say goodbye.

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So then, goodbyes hold all this meaning depending on how it’s used.  That old saying of ’till we meet again’ is something we should keep in mind, maybe replacing goodbye with it. And even if we’re angry and want to walk away, can we do it on a positive note: take a deep breath, remember the good times (if there were any) and close the chapter peacefully? It’s not always possible or practical, but when it is, it builds good karma one would hope.

I will close with one of my favorite goodbye (of sorts) speeches of all time. Because, maybe this is, after all, just one big dream. And when we wake, well…who knows?? Maybe all the goodbyes won’t be necessary as the scenery is different and the actors all still live and are part of your company. Yes, yes….maybe it’s all just been one bad dream……

“If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.”

A Midsummer Nights Dream–By William Shakespeare

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On that note: merry meet and merry part and merry meet again!

Golden Footsteps


Last night I had a dream about an old boyfriend. Our relationship was odd and rocky–just like much of my life during those years and many of my years prior to my move. It gave me pause, and I began to think about it while doing my yoga and meditation.

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During my meditation I had a sort of vision. One gets in a rather trance-like state at times, and I guess I was ripe. In my mind I saw a shadow woman walking during a dark, stormy street. There were trees blowing, lots of rain and dark blue. But in the distance there were these footprints that were illuminated in the darkness: a path to follow. They lit up as this woman was ready to see them.

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I wish I could paint, because I could see this so clearly in my mind! It seemed to encompass where I have been and where I am now.

My past so often felt as though caught within a dark storm, with my paths unclear and being battered by the debris coming at me. Walking in the gray left me weak and hungry for the light, but my eyes had become unaccustomed to seeing it any longer.

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But somehow I reached the eye of the hurricane–the calm place and from there was lifted out. Those moments allowed me to find the golden footsteps, those brightened by my own need and will. It seems as my eyes adjust, another appears….

So as I follow them out of the tempest and into garden, they may fade into the sun itself. And then it will have to be something else that guides me I suppose, something from within–then again, maybe that something already does….

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The Life Guard


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Everyone should have a life guard. 

Imagine if you knew there was someone at all times someone guarding you from making your life blunders. Those idiotic moves that you look back on and come to regret. The ones that others so graciously continually remind you of at every chance they get just in case you may have forgotten.

Some feel they have those life guards I suppose. It may be in a higher power guiding or protecting them; maybe watching over them, their guardian angels. Maybe they come when they need them most or are enveloping them at all times in a shimmering shield of white light. Or maybe it’s a human like a friend or family member protecting them in real physical way.

Most of my life I have not felt so lucky. I’ve not felt chosen either by ethereal beings or human ones either. At times I had hoped for a strong sense of family to help make me feel safe and guarded or to show me the way through the convoluted paths of life.

For years I had recurring dreams of being lost in a huge city. Something would be chasing me, in and out of scary buildings and I would have no sense of direction. I was always alone, no sherpa, no vision, no grail.

I’m better now and have taught myself how to navigate my way through life and most times I manage pretty well. But there are times where I do feel a bit like the sense of my path or destiny is foggy up ahead, and that a decent docent showing me the way around the territory wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

And certainly when the giant pools of quicksand or the pulsing volcanoes up ahead and the swirling whirlpool I’m about to step into– that a life guard would be a wonderful addition to my merry trek. But, alas, so far no-one has joined my trip.

So I suppose I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, more carefully now that I’m older, but still with a sense of adventure in my step–and keep walking forward all by myself.

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Poem: Holy Vision


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This butterfly landed softly at my feet

Intersecting its flight

—-and my plight

Beautiful iridescence painted on delicate journey

—-but trapped by forces

Whose mighty weight shoots down

—–the fluttering dream

In the distance is the sound

—of the key opening the great gate

And the slow creaking rusty push

—–as it swings forward

To reveal all that is behind its iron curtain

Longing wishing greener patience

That holy vision

—-reaching out with open arms

Enter enter

For I am yours

If only you believe