Poem: Closing In

Walking towards a fading rainbow

wondering why heron sits thinking

at the edge of a lake

Grumbling crows don’t make any sense

nor does the dollar for Autumn leaves

Wrong photos sent

but right words said instead

no answer back

Neighbors car looks somehow wrong

but it’s the same

Only comfort comes

from three men

too close in a dream

While awake

the cat keeps stalking

every move

Eyes blurred and bleary

looking for real

It’s all wrapped up

in stuff that’s fake








Poem : Adventure


Like an epic hero
Facing out into the flat edge of the sea
Or one who takes flight upon whittled wings


We may venture unknowingly forward
Towards arcane adventure
While others just judge


But it is a deeper word
That we may hear
One whispered not in the ear
That  vital thrum heard louder
As uncertain steps slide on


So fear not the dark unknowing
Or the icy glare of others
For if not for those who who braved
All the fearsome lonely deeds of past

Still trapped in silent solitude
We’d be


Shooting Star

shooting starI saw a shooting star tonight while I was driving home. It took up one-quarter of the night sky and was very clear and bright. Haven’t seen one in a very long time–at least not by itself and not part of a meteor shower. I’m choosing to take it as a sign. A sign for good things to come! It happened while I was thinking about a plan for the new year. One I had contemplated after my accident but seemed too daunting to tackle. I’m seriously revisiting it now. And will put into motion steps to start to research if it is feasible, possible, workable and would be something that will bring me my one New Year’s resolution: happiness. Sometimes just to act of thinking about a new possibility is enough to bring joy. So this is a good thing already. But my biggest issue always seems to be that once I decide to do something is to have the patience to get through the process! This would be pretty monumental so patience would be necessary. And it would be something that I would have to handle in baby steps so I am not overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all. A whole new adventure…. When the star soared through the sky I made my wish!  It was such an amazing meteor, so I’m pretty darn sure it will! Here’s hoping you all get your wishes for 2013 too.

Seeking New Horizons?

For some time now (years?) I have felt this pervasive feeling of edginess, dissatisfaction and unsettleness. It has come in waves at various times throughout the last years, as part of my life has waxed and waned: kids coming and going, my career swelling or hibernating, men drifting in and out of my life. But on the whole it has been there–a solid undercurrent, flowing through my veins, something constantly just under the surface of my vision all the time.

After my accident five weeks ago this current of feeling has seemingly burst out and has landed right in front of me. It has put itself in my line of vision so it has become impossible for me not to notice. I’ve been trying to ignore it, to pretend life is OK. To go on as if nothing has happened, that I’m happy with where I live, with my job and with my life. But when I lay in bed at night, or I have a quiet moment-like walking the dogs at 5 am, – or when I’m talking to someone about my life, it smacks me right in the face.

So I’ve decided to look at it right in the eyes. To stop ignoring it and see what is really there. And to answer some really hard questions. Ones that have plagued me since the accident–well, that have plagued me for years. Am I truly happy? And if I’m not, just how far am I willing to go to change my life?

When I really answer that question: the answer is no. I am not basically happy with the life I am living now. With where I live and what I am doing. I’ve known it all along really, but haven’t had the guts to take the plunge to change it. I kept setting goals for myself like when the kids were gone. But they have all been gone for a while now. And then I convinced myself I was still OK. I guess I needed a traumatic event to make the picture clear.

Facing death so startlingly and then the weeks after makes one re-evaluate so much. I know it sounds cliché. But it’s true. And as my brain rattled around inside my head, I guess it shook up my status quo. And it settled everything back in a different place, a different order and gave me the confidence to make the change I’ve been wanting…needing to make.

And now I am formulating the plan. I’ve always been a person that made hasty decisions. I know this can’t be one. Because it’s big and life altering. But I also know it’s right. On many levels: for me and for others. There will be much to do to make it happen, but hopefully I will get my joy back. And for me, just having a plan is so healing.

New horizons maybe? Hopefully! And I will take you all with me on my journey on this second half….