Clearing


These days I have a lot of time to think. And think I do. All this thinking sometimes leads me to see my world completely the opposite from the way I used to see it. Maybe it’s like when you get way close to something, then it may not look like the same object at all. The perspective is distorted, but not necessarily in a worse way.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who can’t help but think about our past. I’ve gotten beyond tearing it up and regretting it, and yet, it still passes through my mind. I turn things over and look at things and pull them close, and lately when I do, I’ve started to realize that maybe some of the seemingly disruptive, hurtful things I did, really had the right instinct behind them.

And all these years later, those I have walked away from, I can now see didn’t have the staying power to be near me anyway. They moved on easily, while I still am working my way through it all–alone.

But the other thing I’m finally grasping is that there will be some (maybe only a very few) that will stay close for the long haul. Some of these may only make themselves apparent after a long time or suddenly, but they’ve been there all along. Some are with you every step of the way. These few are the true ones.

So looking from a different angle while we brush off the detritus that our minds have built around our past, maybe we can see it all from an organic place. Or maybe someone else, someone who has been hiding in the shadows, will appear to remind you that it’s OK.

Either way, stepping in close and twisting the past at a different angle can be the peace you need for today.

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11 thoughts on “Clearing

  1. I’m with you sistah. It’s very hard when you have so much time on your hands. And I don’t want to be in this particular place… But we keep soldiering on! Love you millions.

  2. It’s kind of intense and yet falls to a hush (ex moved out Nov 3rd). I used to joke in the past several months … Yes God gave me peace today-It’s called denial hehe. But actually feel it more often now. I’ve really taken this time to get closer with God and relish in the senses of perfect love without abandonment. My heart needs it like air. I can’t hold myself up. I can’t manufacture joy or contentment (smirks, with a side of melancholy)… but finding it more. My heart felt butchered. But sensing it more intact. Life is so crazy. Hugs~

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