Much of life can be spent in a dream like state–or sleep walking through it, appearing awake, but really unconscious. In looking back on my life, it feels as though I’ve lived it like this: half here, half somewhere else. Maybe my eyes were open , but I wasn’t really seeing what was around me.

Then I try to look back on this life, I have very few memories that I can latch onto. Friends of mine will often recall great details from the past. It amazes me when they pull minute details of a situation, place or conversation, and I have giant gaps from these times. It’s as though I wasn’t there: a dark figure, lurking in the background. Maybe I was really just a statue, a wax figure of the person that was me. Or I was dozing in another world, perched in a land where no-one could really reach me.

Or maybe I just have a bad memory?

It makes me sad sometimes that I can only grab glimpses from my past or put few pictures together of good times to weave the mosaic of my life. Here and there I see some if I think really, really hard, but they are distant and blurry.

But now I am waking up. I’ve begun to pour cold water in the recesses of my mind and slap myself the way doctors did years ago to get babies to take a first breath. I want to breathe. It’s time to breathe now the fresh desire of creation. To take footsteps forward in the land of the living, where one looks around and everything pulses with energy. That stone figure crouched in a corner has metamorphosed into a spirit. It has taken on life. Looking around it sees the beauty of the world, hears the humming of the planet and tastes the nectar of nature. It absorbs at a deeper level, tucking these senses within.

Aroused by the pulsating beat of the earth, my life is beginning to finally happen. The start was slow and messy, taking the circuitous route, but is coming back on itself to the now. It can take flight and the quickening of it all leaves me light. The weight falls away, and now I flutter open….

Yes, I am awake. I am awake.


14 thoughts on “Awakening

  1. It is a little strange that you have huge memory gaps. Some psychologists would rush to call it suppressed memories. Even I’m a bit curious about that possibility..

    The one period of my life where I have that I was really depressed. Everything else is crystal clear.

  2. I forget a lot of stuff, too. My husband or others will remind me of things, remember them in detail, and I’m like, “Huh?” I don’t know why. Maybe we were not present in the moment it was happening, but our mind was on other things, and so we can’t remember. I’m glad you are awakening 🙂

  3. Yes, I know this is true. I’ve read all about memory gaps and trauma etc. I don’t know how far back you go with my blog, but I am an adoptee and was put up when I was like 16-18 months old. Who knows if this creates trauma per say? It can’t be great, but my life, what I know, wasn’t awful. But I do feel I wasn’t the happiest person in the world either. But I also know it can be many things together: the lack of focus, being distracted, moving around a lot and the inability to concentrate. So, I don’t know…but I’m working now on trying to do all the positive things to help out my memory banks for the future.

  4. I see. No, I didn’t know your background but I’m not sure that explains it. Ultimately only a psychologist would be able to give you answers, but I hope it’s nothing so serious that it requires one.

    All the best!

  5. I’m quite fine thanks. No more therapists for me. Seen a few here and there over the years and have pretty much no use for them. I have my ways of coping and life is better all the time. 🙂

  6. Hiya,forst time here, deffinatley not my first time having discussion mom​ awakening or this area , iand for that reason is whyI could join this thread. what you describe in the terms of the this the process you experienced I would say most definitely awakening. stages . i to share the same memory gaps in child hood ,vry early i am perplexed abot it when i pomder on it becuse i do have a fantastic memory now , photographic almost beacuse of the details i remember or very observant without trying to be ? the past is mostly blank gaps i to had a shit start really crap but those horrible experiencies the effected my life i do remember then its the calm no drama bits inbeteen leaving me to ask myself did i find a way of coping during the no drama stages ? or did i simply have a different mind set to kids my own age beacuse i was dealing with problems mot adults struggle with ? i dont worry about it much now to me my human experences were meant to be the trigger to wake my soul up ,why? i now have a perpective on my soul expernces is the jouey i need to be on. insights and other experiences will come , that whole process is you vibrations rising we neeed to.. its the start of our phyisical body feeling the soul body trying align us ..
    hope that helps . also it sounds like you process was triggerd by the dark side of side of your mind it sounds very similar to the dark night of the soul ? are you aware of it ?

  7. Thank you so much for this very thoughtful and personal reply. We all have our own experiences and journeys for sure. I was extremely young for some of my unknown experiences that I will never be able to confirm, so I don’t dwell a lot. I agree, we maybe need all the experiences to trigger our growth and make us who we are meant to be. This post was as much a pondering as anything else, not so much something I struggle with…

  8. Your welcome ,I find it to be a rare thing for me to reply on posts ? On topics like this ! some of the BS articles out there makes it just as rare for me to read authenticity :} thats how I know you are not struggling with what your saying , same reason my answer was read to be heart felt and warm ! One of the first experiences we have post awakening is our ability to think perpspectivly . putting bits of our life together ,or just having being able to make sense of things , when we share posts like this it comes over very honest , raw , to others it will , but its actually authentic speaking speak without filtering any bits out !! That is how we share. our experiencing ? during or after the fact ..people who are telling me something real , what we are saying is we’ve woke up experiencing our own stage of evolution / the devilment of our soul..its profound only to the one awake , unfortunately no one else, apart from others who have been a the same stage ! On line information is full of articles that are scripted , not with personal experiences etc , any way thats why Im trying to start my own space to chat , and dong it very well but I know I will be were I’m meant cause I know others must share the same shit life & experincies, but will not realise the are awake yet until they make sense of the shit life hurled at them:}} I actually feel uncomfortabe with the wealth of not very well informed people giving others who are most likely needing to hear the right info are spoon fed the wrong feed, this actually concerns me? when I do get my own space up it will be have info on how to know& tell the commercial – interested, only. spiritually high jacking something that only few relate to..used to sell to others under silly titles of I’m a guru / teacher of knowledge that solves your / humanity probs:)))) it is not how it works ATALL! no short cuts, no one get there quickly ,you need to be some one who gets up aftwer being on the bones of your arse,dished out by life : Very few journey on the soul train :)) on and on if I don’t stop here, take care & keep sharing , I will need to send you the dark night of the soul stuff, a lot of guys are are experiencing it and getting diagnosed with mental a health issue!!

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