When were kids we expected the world to fall at our feet and for everything to go our way. We didn’t know that were supposed to work at some things to make them happen, or for them to be right because we were the center of the Universe and everything else revolved around us and our needs.

Ahhh, if only it could still be like that……

But, alas, this is not so when we grow to be adults. Unfortunately we learn, sometimes the hard way, that we must work (often with much effort) to make our lives come out the way we hope. The plans may be laid thoughtfully either in our minds, or even very carefully in real-time, and still end being tripped up when they come to fruition.

This may be due to any number of factors: our ‘dream’ may not be what we had quite imagined it to be or maybe some monkey wrench gets thrown in to burst our bubble after our tidy plans were hatched. Either way we can be hit we a huge wave of disappointment, which may turn into sadness, depression or even anger–anything but the joy, happiness and excitement we had been dreaming about.

For me I had experienced something like this with my move from the North where I had been for so many years to the South where I am now. It was a huge decision and took a long time to decide to do. There were many factors that made me chose to come, some pushing me from the northern end, and others pulling me from the south. So when the move finally came: I felt more than ready!

But after I had been here for some months and found myself away from my friends, my home, leaving a career I had for many years, in unfamiliar surroundings–suddenly I found myself second guessing myself. I was scared, down and leaning on my Mom a lot.

I’m not sure what the turning point was for me –when I realized that the world, this place  I was now living in, was not going to come to me. I did know that one reason I came was because I didn’t want to be miserable anymore! It was for change, not more of the same.

So, when I heard on NPR about a book called: “This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live” by Melody Warnick and the interview with the author, it gave me a whole new perspective on my dilemma. I have not nearly completed it, but it made me realize that I’ve barely given this place a chance, and that I personally have done nothing to make this place home.

While I’ve been grumbling and seeing all the negative, life has been passing me by here. All the good reasons I came have still been here and I’ve ignored them and focused only on the negative. When I changed my mindset at work and decided to love it there, things got so much better. It seemed time to do that with living here too.

In discussing this with my Mother, who has been my constant companion and confidant here, we decided that buying a condo, rather than renting–could possibly be a better option. Prices are high for rentals and many are such bad options. For me, I know that it’s all about mindset more than anything. Feeling more permanent here and a part of the community is what I may need, rather than feeling like a drifter. So I’m at least looking at a few places. Who knows if it’s possible, but it gives me hope anyway.And hope is a powerful tool.

The bottom line is that a main reason I came was to be closer to my Mom and I am very lucky to be near her. She has been steady when I’ve been unsteady. It’s been hard to express how strange it’s all felt at times, but she’s done her best to understand. She’s my rock and I’m so grateful to have her close after so many years.

So maybe I’m not a kid anymore and can’t have the world falling at my feet, but I try my hardest to make my world positive. And as long as I’m here and have my Mom around, I’ll still be her kid and she does the best she can to make my world the best it can be.


16 thoughts on “Permanence

  1. Aww wow! See, I moved abroad and it was fine at first, when the sparks had petered out i knew i had to make the effort. i knew making friends wasn’t going to be as easy because of the language and mentality but i tried a little. i didn’t try hard enough mind you, seeing as how im back in canada. but its true, if you make your heart your home, you can go anywhere and be okay.

  2. I think that’s a good mindset and an important post for me to read as I prepare to move across the country for the first time in my life! Thank you for sharing this.

  3. I am so very happy that things are feeling different for you. The book you are reading sounds like something I should look into. The condo sounds like a much better situation for your illegal pet dilemma too!!!! I will send prayers and positive energy to you that you continue to grow in your new journey…..

  4. This might work to change my energy. Actually I will still have to sneak pets believe it or not! Even ‘owning’ a place, they still have rules. But I resigned myself to the cat thing. It’s OK. I hear it’s pretty much what everyone does. No-one considers cats pets. Hmmm? Thanks Ran….I’ll need good vibes on a variety of levels that you well know… xo

  5. You were extremely brave and had a particularly hard challenge if there was language barrier! I’m not sure if I could ever be that brave! I work with so many people who migrated here from other places and English is their second language. It is very tough, but they are determined to make it work. We take many things for granted here in the US as things are tough now. But these folks are so happy to be here. I LOVE what you say about ‘if you make your heart your home’. It reminded me of “The Wizard of Oz”. This is what this movie was all about… Dorothy kept searching for Kansas the whole time, but really she never really left… xo

  6. I loved reading this and a big fan of NPR also. That book sounds interesting and glad you are making your peace with changes and further explorations. 🙂

  7. Yes, to me they have the most unbiased news…although my past job seemed to think otherwise. They have lead me to some great authors, music, research, people, movies etc… Stay tuned for more on my move. Some incredible things happened today!! xo

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