Once again I’ve made a big decision (and I’m probably driving you fellow bloggers nuts), but I’m giving my notice to resign on Monday. Many of you following me know that I have been unhappy in my current position and actually tried to quit once already. My manager convinced me to try to stay on–which I have for two more months. But, in the end, the place is simply too toxic for me.
That toxicity is carrying over into the rest of my life and I’m having a hard time seeing anything as positive these days. The bullying and negativity that goes on is monumental in this place and is simply dragging me down mentally and physically. It was probably the first time in my long working life where I almost just walked out last night. Man, I was so close….
My own personal sense of responsibility, and a bit of guilt thrown in, has kept me there this long. And the fact that jobs just seem so hard to come by. But there just comes a point where there is no turning back–there will be no convincing me this time! I’m done. Even though there are some good folks there, and some OK days–the anxiety days overshadow them and they obnoxious people are just too loud.
I don’t quite feel like a burden is removed yet. It’s always nerve wracking for me making these decisions, and somewhere deep inside is this voice telling me that somehow it’s my fault it didn’t work. That no job ever seems to work for me and I’ve got some sort of issue. I’m trying hard to combat this little voice in my head–but it’s there lurking.
I’ve already put out bunches of applications and made a inquiries to people I know. And I may consider some sort of nanny work. Anything as long as I don’t have to go back to a place where I am belittled or listen to people complain all day. Ugh. So done with that.
Each day will get easier to cope, and as the clouds dissipate, then hopefully I will see everything with renewed clarity and hope.