Once Again…


Once again I’ve made a big decision (and I’m probably driving you fellow bloggers nuts), but I’m giving my notice to resign on Monday. Many of you following me know that I have been unhappy in my current position and actually tried to quit once already. My manager convinced me to try to stay on–which I have for two more months. But, in the end, the place is simply too toxic for me.

That toxicity is carrying over into the rest of my life and I’m having a hard time seeing anything as positive these days. The bullying and negativity that goes on is monumental in this place and is simply dragging me down mentally and physically. It was probably the first time in my long working life where I almost just walked out last night. Man, I was so close….

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My own personal sense of responsibility, and a bit of guilt thrown in, has kept me there this long. And the fact that jobs just seem so hard to come by. But there just comes a point where there is no turning back–there will be no convincing me this time! I’m done. Even though there are some good folks there, and some OK days–the anxiety days overshadow them and they obnoxious people are just too loud.

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I don’t quite feel like a burden is removed yet. It’s always nerve wracking for me making these decisions, and somewhere deep inside is this voice telling me that somehow it’s my fault it didn’t work. That no job ever seems to work for me and I’ve got some sort of issue. I’m trying hard to combat this little voice in my head–but it’s there lurking.

I’ve already put out bunches of applications and made a inquiries to people I know. And I may consider some sort of nanny work. Anything as long as I don’t have to go back to a place where I am belittled or listen to people complain all day. Ugh. So done with that.

Each day will get easier to cope, and as the clouds dissipate, then hopefully I will see everything with renewed clarity and hope.

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12 thoughts on “Once Again…

  1. You are doing a good thing for yourself. May your next adventure be kinder and gentler and more to your needs…….

    1. I surely hope you are right! On all counts! Thanks again for all your loving support and kindness through this and letting me vent and ask questions. love you millions. xo

    1. Wow, this is a surprising comment coming from you?! Have you become a cynic?? Too much working at the FD? 🙂 You were always my positive go-to person. Yes, there is much complaining in the world, agreed–but this place specialized in it! Complaining on steroids. But that wasn’t the worst of it. It was the direct nastiness at me that I refuse to take anymore. Being a very low person on the totem in that job and trying to learn as I go because of being poorly taught, I was consistently taking far more abuse than I cared for Jon. It was unacceptable. My goal here was to start over and try to be more peaceful (as you know) and it was considerably worse. It took me some time to make this decision, as I wanted to make sure it wasn’t me.

  2. I think you are brave to listen to your heart and know that it is time to leave a job that is not right for you. Hang in there, and I hope you find the right position soon. Life is too short to stay at a place that makes you miserable.

    1. I feel petrified Ann. I have no job lined up, but I just know I can’t do this one anymore. I gave it 5 months. Jobs here seem so hard to land? But I’m just trying to be positive. xo

  3. I just handed in my resignation and today is my last day of work. I don’t have a new job yet, or even a place to live in California which is where I’m moving to from Connecticut…but I just feel so relieved to be leaving I don’t even care! If the job is bringing you down so much it’s worth it to try and find another. I was having a tough home life and work life and just lifting one of those stressors has made all the difference!

    1. Well, I keep trying to hand it in, but somehow I always end up not leaving. They beg me back… 🙂 I need my insurance now for a potential surgery (Hopefully not). It’s a weird place here and hard to find work too. For now, I’m back on days starting Monday, which is better. And supposedly, they are speaking with the ‘bad guy’…doubtful. We’ll see…… Good luck with your situation! Stress sucks.

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