Lately I’ve been struggling. Most of you will feel me foolish I’m sure, but I will put it out there none the less, because this is partly why I blog. This is not a pretty uplifting post, so don’t read it if you want happy…
Some of it is where I’m at in my life right now, but a bigger part is simply what is going on around me in the world. It seems I read somewhere, or maybe heard, about people suffering from a sort of depression because of global decay. Maybe I have this cloaking me?
That part I’m sure most of you can relate to…I mean you know about the global decay around us at least. Whether or not it pulls at you is another story. But if you are the least bit human, there have to be some times where you must, like me, just want to put your hands to your ears and say: enough.
Where to begin? Just listing all the awful things going wrong now with our planet and with each other is enough to make me want to crawl into a cave an never come out. And when I remotely think how we are contributing to it all…well, then I actually get physically ill. Yes, I know, I know–I’m supposed to think happy thoughts and be grateful for my life and all. But how can I when there is so much destruction going on around me? Just because it’s not right next to me, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
The simple thing would be to never turn on my radio or look at my computer. Simply stick my head in the sand and make my move to live off in the wild somewhere and not pay attention. Don’t laugh, I’ve thought about this plan. There are many folks planning this life. They are building their shelters, stocking their food and water, (and probably guns)– and preparing…. Preparing for the day when there isn’t much left.
Could it happen in my life time? Surely major changes in my children’s life time. Ugh. Sometimes this makes me feel guilty. What earth did I give them? Is it a dying one?
But the real dilemma for me is how to live now? There are some things that I do that are good, but most things only contribute to the bad stuff. And the older I get, the more I am aware that most people around me don’t seem to notice or care. It is really painful for me. Yes, it’s really pain…if only mental anguish that I should stop everything I’m doing right now, get off this ride and change my life completely. Stop being the hypocrite that I am.
As each day passes, and I get older and older, I hope that someday I will be able to live out a life where I don’t feel a part of the machine. That grinding, chewing, chomping machine that is eating this planet and everything on it, and turning us into zombies.
Hopefully we will wake up from the dead some day and see what we are doing to our Mother, and to each other, before it is too late. Or maybe it already is……