Sponges


In one of my karmic lives, I must have been a sea creature–specifically some sort of sponge-like aquatic marine form no doubt. There I was, a mulitcelluar organism filled with pores so the water could just flow through me. As the oceans currents would flow around me, whether turbulent or calm, I sucked up the salty stream going my way.

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Well, not quite an ocean stream…

Now, in this life time, it appears I continue to suck up most things that float nearby me. The energy that is around me, whether positive or negative, seems to sink into my pores like a sponge out of water. It absorbs into me, even if I am trying hard to deflect it with the best of my defenses: meditation, positive self talk, exercise and simply just being happy myself.

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This doesn’t absorb water, it explodes with it from build up pressure!

As long as I can recall, I’ve been chided for not have that tougher skin, that shield to bounce the bad ju-ju of others off me. Nope, I never could do it successfully for very long. In fact, many years ago I would actively try to save every soul until (finally) I learned this was a lost cause and slowly ruining my soul.

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My ruined soul??

But even working hard to create my own bubble–with my absorbent nature–stuff seeps in and I find myself struggling to stay afloat, focused, energized and positive myself. It’s often the chameleon effect. I try to stay upbeat, but it becomes slowly draining and the sponge, more and more full of water, can hold no more. Simply wrung out.

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Just blending in…..

When being in an environment that is consistently difficult, trying to stay afloat is like treading water to exhaustion. Nothing can float forever and eventually one dips below the surface and, well, disappears. One loses oneself no matter how hard you try.

This isn’t what I want. If I once lived below the ocean, while a beautiful and wondrous place I’m sure, I am now a creature of light. It’s where I belong and am meant to be. Some days I feel like it’s hard to be around others because of their energy…but maybe it’s because I just haven’t found my tribe yet.

Meanwhile, I rejuvenate when I’m alone, work hard not to absorb when around others and continue to keep my head above water following the sun while looking for my island.

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Ahhhh….peace….someday? Maybe?
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10 thoughts on “Sponges

  1. A very beautifully written piece. We all take in our surroundings and thoughts and emotions of the people around us. Same reason we search for peaceful and serene places to ease our mind. If we make ourselves immune to all the bad things, we also became immune to all the good things as well. All we have to do is find a balance – a balance between holding on and letting go.
    Cheers!

    1. Thanks for your kind words. I’m not sure everyone does take in things around them though. In fact I feel many don’t and are oblivious either purposely or naively. Humans can be mostly egotistical and self-centered I think and tuned into only what will be significant to their life. That is why the energy output can be so damaging to someone like me as I stand in their wake. I agree about balance. Many would say: don’t let it bother you, but my answer is that I want to be this feeling person and don’t want to build walls as you imply because then it would all be kept out. So I end up suffering more than most.

  2. I missed reading your posts while I was away…..caught up tonight. Yay for your daughter!! Such an accomplishment. Beautiful photos this past week… May the week go by gently for you…..

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