It was never my style to belong or join. I never really wanted to fit into one particular group or click back in High School when the real clicks were beginning to take shape and when we were starting to learn who we were and where we ‘belonged’. That’s when I started to get a sense that maybe I didn’t belong anywhere or maybe I belonged everywhere.
Somehow I found myself with friends in all the social groups, from the college-bound, the athletes, the future farmers of America to the most popular. It didn’t really matter to me. The boundaries were fluid to me and I moved in and out of them with ease.
Of course I had better friends from some groups, but really, over all I was probably ultimately introverted even though you wouldn’t have called it that then. It’s only now that I can define it.
But it’s also more than that–it’s a tolerance that has grown in adulthood–for all people, and an acute distaste for aligning myself with any particular set of folks…just because. And just because I’m adult now, moving in an adult world, doesn’t mean these clicks aren’t still very apparent and in full swing all around me! It’s quite funny to see. One would think people would grow out of it, but no, here it is like HS still.
One can almost pick out the popular kids, the nerdy kids, the unpopular kids, the cool kids, the followers, the leaders. And where do I fit in now? Well now I have the good sense to simply sit back and observe for the most part. I still have no need to belong to any particular group–in fact, less so than I did 50 plus years ago.
Interestingly, I still have the knack for getting along with many types of people though. It’s nice to have the years and a little wisdom under one’s belt. To be able to sit outside the little shows that go on and just watch. I can almost see the players from long ago.
Even though we are all older, we never really outgrow our true selves. Those personas just morph into an adult, and maybe more subtle (maybe worse), version of who we were back in the day. The mean, nasty Doctor now, might have been the HS kid that was the brunt of everyone’s joke–the Valedictorian, the geek that no-one liked back then. He thinks he’s having the last laugh by treating everyone like crap now! But he forgets karma.
And the gossiping group at lunch outwardly bashing someone in front of others, were they the girls in school that were either insecure because they weren’t popular or they were too popular and used to having it their way? Either way, they continue the childish behaviors.
Or the guys that just love to goof around–all the time. Or just the folks desperate to be in the popular crowd!
Ah, it’s lovely to finally be of an age where none of it matters anymore. Where you can fade into the shadow and half the time no-one even realizes you exist. I will continue to feel that I am a woman unto myself. I’m autonomous. The bounds between groups/clicks for me will always remain nebulous and I hope to always drift between them. A friend is a friend no matter who they are or what group they may align with–as long as they are decent and kind, they are OK in my book.