Today I was able to get out for my walk in the morning, something I had been unable to do the last few days due to the weather. It’s been pouring on and off, unusual here–it might rain hard for a bit, then blue skies immediately after. Days of rain put a cramp in my style.
The sky was still battling what it was feeling: rain or sun, and it reminded me, as I walked, of much of my life and how I felt as I moved through decisions I had to make with regards to important things.
Often it seems, these decisions are never clear-cut, there is always a dark side that can over shadow the possibility of sunny day ahead. As I contemplated far too many divorces, especially the last that involved children, this was most certainly the case. Wavering between thunderous aches within myself screaming “To thine own self be true” to seeing the sweet and innocent brilliance of my children’s countenance, my own personal clouds constantly passed through my being.
Letting go of long time friendships too, that somehow had drowned in the flood of time, have brought gloom to a once illuminated connection. This sadness can hang for season upon season and a beautiful day can often remind me of days gone by.
But some decisions that have been split by the dark and light, come out shining brightly. Reconnecting with family, specifically my Mother, can turn out to be a great and eternal gift. The turbulence may rage within us when we try to figure out to take the step into the maelstrom, but when the clouds part, the scenery can turn out to be beautiful.
There will always be the constant conflict both in the sky and within ourselves: to hang onto the dark, or seek the light; to let go or hang on. Sometimes we are not given the choice and are pushed into the answer. And then we must find the way as best we can.
Hopefully though, in most cases, while we may get a little wet, eventually we can stand in the sun. At my age, I’ve been drenched more than a few times, but now I’m learning that sometimes both things just may happen at once.