Around The Corner

Something happened today that is giving me very mixed feelings. Most people probably wouldn’t share what happened, but I’m comfortable with my blogging family, and sharing these kind of things helps me work out my mixed emotions.

Today I took the exam to try to get my paramedic license in the state where I now live. Many (most?) states are reciprocal when it comes to things like this so that if you’ve been a medic in another state, then you automatically can get your license in theirs. Not so here. In fact, they are that way about any license you may want to transfer here. None of them do.

As a paramedic, we have many hoops we must jump through before we are certified. We must become nationally certified, we must get our CPR certification, we must get our Advanced Cardiac Life Support and in most cases, our Pediatric Advanced Life Support. Many jobs may require more and some medics just get much more and the states usually require gobs of training hours to certify and maybe a state protocol test too. It’s not an easy walk in the park.

So when you move to another state, already a licensed medic, it seems to me it should count. It’s almost a slap in the face that it’s not, especially when you’ve been one for 15 years. I can understand a state protocol test so you can understand if that particular state had special rules maybe, but a test just to see if you should be licensed in their state? Seems to me someone is trying to make money.

Now I openly admit I have never ever been good at these multiple choice tests. Even right after my paramedic class when I had just finished school, I only passed with an 84 and that was after studying my fool head off. I don’t have a good memory at all. Even though I was top in my class and got 100% in the clinical portion of my class too. Get me into the generic tests and I blow them.

And that’s what happened today. You needed an 80% and I got 70%. There were 150 questions and they were the typical kinds of questions I can never answer. I went in after trying to go over my old book (no I wasn’t going to buy the new text-book just to study for this thing) and figured I might not do well. Actually, I thought I was getting many of the answers. Apparently not.

At first I felt humiliated and embarrassed. But then I took a breath. I realized some things. Even though I never did well on these tests and they made me feel ‘less than’, in my heart I knew I was a good medic. Maybe I wasn’t always as smart as the next one and couldn’t spout all the fancy terminology, but I always knew what to do or where to find the answers when I didn’t. And you would never find anyone kinder than me to their patients.

But the more important thing I realized is that I really don’t want to be a paramedic anymore despite those things. One of things I’m trying to find in this new life is a new job/career. One that isn’t based on how well you do on a test and one where you don’t have to keep certifying every two years. It’s exhausting. I’m so ready for a break. Plus the career in general is so burn-out.

So maybe the Universe was saying: it’s OK you didn’t pass because you don’t need that license now. You won’t need it here because something better is coming your way. Tomorrow I have a job interview for a job I think I would enjoy.

Maybe that is what destiny has planned. If not, I refuse to let myself be discouraged any longer. There are new things ahead and I plan to find them!


6 thoughts on “Around The Corner

  1. I can somewhat relate. I agree, it makes no sense to enforce a test when you are already licensed. They do the same for psychologists and therapists. I agree, a job should never be dependent on a score because MANY incredibly smart people duck at test taking which at best is mindless, and at worst, no indicator of proficiency. It sounds like The Universe is reminding you, this new life will be more au thematic when you also find new work. I know that isn’t easy but perhaps a related field where you have the benefit of previous exposure and knowledge of. Either way, this is not a reflection of you it’s a reflection of absurdity and for the record, you could pass that poxy test and I’d say try to no matter what, for a fallback and so you can say HA! You need to go back figure out what tripped you up, retake, but that’s not a definition of you, it’s narrow and absurd, all the things you will never be♡

  2. Yes, maybe. It was disheartened at first, but after it sunk in I realized it was not that important in my bigger life. I hope today goes well, but if not, here too, life will go on and I will keep trying! I have faith in the Universe…..

  3. Thanks! I’m not sure I will retake it…at least not right away. I’ve known deep in my heart that I really don’t want to do EMS in a big way anymore, so I guess that’s why I didn’t get a passing score. The reflection was: hey, you don’t want to do this anyway. So to keep pushing myself towards something that won’t make me happy seems silly. I’d rather wait for the right thing. The last years where I used to live have been spent being unhappy and I am determined to move away from this here! ❤

  4. I truly believe you will and I am sending you support for your new life and am proud of you because that takes guts and you succeeded. Big hugs♡

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