Today I sit here on this rainy day contemplating my life and this last year. Where has it gone…the old war cry we all whimper as we look in the mirror in horror and see another face staring back at us. No longer the youthful smile smirking back at us–the one ready to conquer the world. Instead, the laugh lines we have earned encircle our lips and shape our features and mold our current beauty.
I had hoped my house would be sold by now and I would celebrate today with my adopted Mom in my new home. Her birthday is June 28th and she turned 88. She too lamented at the turning of the wheel of time, still feeling young and healthy. Maybe next year, we say, we will celebrate our special days together?
But of course, we never know what this year may bring. My last year within the decade as a 50-year-old. I recalled remembering my Grandma in her 60’s and thinking: she is old! And yet, now I quickly approach my 60’s! My high school friends and I wonder how this could be? Weren’t we just laughing in class together, passing notes and causing trouble?
As a gift to myself I am getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow! Why is it they are called wisdom teeth and they are removed as we get older? If they retain our wisdom, shouldn’t they stay?
I’ve reflected on the wisdom that I’ve hopefully obtained in my life. The clichés abound about old age and wisdom. Am I really getting older and better? Let’s hope so. Sometimes we try to obtain wisdom, sometimes life dumps it on us through trial and error and painful experiences. Sometimes we won’t listen to people trying to give us wisdom even when we should. But eventually we get where we should be.
It feels more peaceful, more slow, more sure now that I’m older. I’m still the same person and I have my moments for sure, but I do seem to cope with the world in a better way. There’s more quiet in my life. I’ve learned to let things go–let people go. I’m more sure of what I want and don’t want.
Looking forward it’s hard to believe I may only have 30 or so years to go, especially when these 59 went so fast. Let’s hope Einstein’s theory was right. Savoring every moment, standing still and absorbing a moment does seem to slow time down.
My hands are older; my heart holds so much now: the weight of the world, lost loves, past pets and a withering earth. But I also know about hope, the kindness of strangers, the enthusiasm of youth. All these things may save us yet.