Deciding to do something monumental and different, even if it may be exciting and worthy of your dream world, may take years to mull around in one’s head. So it did with mine, even though much of that time I probably wasn’t aware of it.
Seems it’s common for the middle-aged population to wander in a wasteland of confusion, boredom and the need to shed the skin we’ve been wearing much of our lives just as a snake does to become renewed. Or as a chrysalis metamorphoses into the intricate and lovely butterfly she becomes.
Years ago I was part of a woman’s group named Chrysalis. It was named so for the very reason we had hoped to change and grow as women. And so we did.
But somewhere along the years, I lost my way amidst motherhood, becoming a wife and a paramedic. Caring for others, I forgot how to care for myself. Such is a common occurrence with women (and maybe men too–I do not know because I am not one).
So started a long and difficult search within. It was painful and I lost much along the way. There was a divorce and disconnections from my children (albeit temporary) and difficulties with relationships in general. I questioned many things during this wandering time, as it is known. I was often confused, hurt, pained and misinterpreted by others.
There can be a precipitating event that can jar one out of this time. So it was with me. My near-death car accident was a sign from the Universe that it was time to ‘come out of the forest’ (as it is known) and return to the land of light and clarity.
It has taken some time, and I am clearly a changed person. But being so, nothing now can be the same. Nothing feels right. Over the last few years I have shifted within my own skin and a new persona has emerged.
Now the new journey will begin. Literally and figuratively. During this time if one can remain open, synchronicity will meet you at every door. Books that have been sitting on your shelf for years will suddenly beckon you to read them; people with enter your life as you need to meet them; events will fall into place.
For years I felt awash in discontent. And now I know this was part of what one goes through to reach the other side. The mist, the fog in which we walk finding our deeper self so we may walk into the sun with our older, wiser self.
It calls to me. And hopefully I answer with a clearer soul, a more peaceful spirit–ready to do the work I am meant to do.