Natural Cycles

This may get a bit down and dirty–and also personal, so if you’re light of heart, read no further.

Recently I had my yearly physical. My doctor is great and does no more than she needs to do. She told me that there are new studies about PAP exams that they don’t need to be done as often as they used to think (once a year). Now the new science is saying more like every five years, if you’ve had clean ones in the past.

This has been the case with me, but there was some other factors so she and I both agreed that maybe it would still be prudent to do this particular exam. Oh joy! The one thing every woman loves, especially one at my advanced age.

Many of you in your late 50’s and through menopause, and all of you who have put your legs in those stirrups, know the drill. It’s not a pleasant experience. It’s not when you’re young, and it’s most definitely not when you’re older. But it particularly shocked me just HOW unpleasant it was for me.

Let’s back up. As many of you following my blog over the last years know, I’ve had my relationships ups and downs. And now, there is no such thing in my life anymore, and hasn’t been for some two years or so. I am single by choice now, and quite happy. It has left my mind, spirit AND body quite happily alone.

So when some strange object began boldly going where no man had gone before (well in a long time anyway), let’s just say, I knew I had reached the stage of crone. My doctor had to speak to me as though I was a child getting their first shot: it’s OK, I’m almost done, I’m sorry….I know it hurts… Why yes, it did indeed.

Needless to say, I was quite shocked and felt almost betrayed by my body–once so lush, open and giving. It made me think.

Most of the men I had dated in the last years had suffered their own ‘issues’ when it came to  sex, performance and their own bodies. They often too felt betrayed, upset and angry. Sometimes this would be turned toward me, often toward themselves, but always the relationships would end because of these debacles.

As much as I tried to embrace and accept these changes in our aging bodies, and try to find someone who could move onto the ‘next stage in life’–it never happened.

It struck me today that our natural cycles should allow us to embrace our metamorphosing selves. This should be a time of celebration and not anger and fear. While I am losing parts of my physical self, I am gaining so many wonderful parts like wisdom and a sense of self I never had before in life.

Such drive seems to overwhelm the men I have met so that they couldn’t move beyond it to the other significant and beautiful qualities that embodied the people they were inside. Instead it was that old sense of performance and need that drove them and hammered each relationship into dust.

I’m sure there are wonderful relationships and marriages where the two have been together for many years that  got them through these changes together. They adapt, accept and blossom together. It must be lovely. I was not that fortunate, but this is how it was meant to be.

So I continue to honor myself and my aging body. I take care of it the best I can and will gently pass through every stage with joy and grace, continuing to be grateful for each day I am here.


6 thoughts on “Natural Cycles

  1. Thank you for sharing. So happy, you are “honoring yourself as you move through different stages of life.” Your words, if embraced by others, could be life changing.

  2. Yes, thank you for sharing. I must admit that I stopped reading after a few lines because it seemed to be about stuff that a man doesn’t really have to know and I felt that it would be intrusive for me to read on but whatever it was about, well done. If this did by chance turn into a post about raising amphibians then you will be pleased to know that I have found frog spawn in the farm pond close by where we find the snails and that my puppy dog has a tail 🙂

  3. Great post and thank you for sharing (although it seems rather strange to say that!). I was never so happy as I was at my last ‘appointment’ when I was told I didn’t have to come back for the pap exam for another 5 years! Of course I was told I could have them more often if I felt I needed to. For some reason. It will be 5 years next September and needless to say I haven’t been back. There are some things I’m glad to volunteer for, but that’s not one of them! I really enjoyed your post and I think your outlook on life is wonderful.

  4. so true — it would have been nice to have some warning about what the changes REALLY do physically- i read about them but it was still the extent was / is – shocking and annoying–
    on the other hand- perhaps all the hormone changes to crone ‘allow’ the clarity?

    may it be so — i guess — with a sigh

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