Poem: Still I Exist


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When I was young

The love I found was in the brother of a classmate

He was older and wore a smoke smelling hat

Because he was a hippie sort of guy and lived in a hut

With no electricity and lots of wood smoke

We drove across country when I was eighteen

And drove my mother crazy

So crazy in fact

She was moving to another state when I got home

I had to love him then (so much) that I married him

But my love wore off

Just like his smokey smell

And my love turned to a running man

Because now I was older and knew my path

The one I was running too

Toward a bold and sure future

Of strength and womanhood

He drank more than water after races

And couldn’t tell time very well

We’d run crazy highs together

With adrenalin coursing through our pumping veins

But we’d hit the wall

And knock ourselves off course

Until we completely lost our way on two different roads

Finally my love found a place

In a man where a family could grow

It grew beyond the two of us

Into a place so big

Like a tree spread in spring

And this is where I thought my love would live

But only part of the love survived

The gift we created together

Sustaining our legacy long after our love had wilted

It seems

The men have come and gone

Like waves of the ocean lapping onto the shore

And rushing back out to sea

I am the sand

And have been touched by them all

Washed over by salt water tears

Ground by the pounding surf of the tides of time

Many things drift up on shore: memories of stories gone by

Still I exist

Part of me floats back into the sea

Each time I am pulled

By another

I stand alone on the shore

Looking out to the sea

Watching the moon sink into the inky depths

To be swallowed by the mystery below

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