Changing


I’ve taken up yoga. I’m teaching myself with DVD’s which I’m sure most yoga teachers would say isn’t a good way to learn, but with limited money and time, it’s all I’ve got right now. And it’s better than not doing yoga at all! This I know for a fact because the yoga is changing me.

Normally I’m a very Type A person, and while I’m sure that will never completely change, the yoga is helping to keep it somewhat in check. It’s helping to remind me to breathe in the midst of the commotion of my life. And it helps me to be quiet when my head loops with thoughts that won’t settle.  I’m also trying to use it to calm me when my sense of justice has been rankled and I feel myself getting heated. For once I am now just able to let things go and move on without having to let everyone know what I feel about something. Usually anyway.

The changes are subtle I’m sure, but for me they feel monumental.  I sense a clarity within myself that is opening up pathways to parts of me long forgotten. At times I will suddenly recall something from the past and it will hit me like a mental photograph. Sometimes smells are involved or sounds. It’s so incredibly fascinating that it borders on spooky. But I attribute it to what one of the yoga teachers says: surrender. I am surrendering to my subconscious as well as my physical limits and I am reshaping myself.

With this metamorphosis though, I am feeling pushed more than ever to want to move in new directions in my life! In the past this feeling was always more a feeling of discontent rather than a feeling of harmony and expansion. Today I know I am growing and my past life no longer fits who I am.  So many signals and signs keep appearing that point in the direction of movement in my life.  Plus there are so many points of utter contentment that I feel which were never there before, so I know I am ready, awakened and open.

The only part holding me back is that external factors may be at play to keep me from going off in leaps and bounds to a potentially blissfully new life.  The economy keeps so many of us now stranded in situations that we must continue to plod along within. As a homeowner I have a mortgage and a home I can’t unload. Plus I do love my home. It’s also extremely hard to leave a job nowadays and charge off into another one for the same rate of pay, benefits etc. when you have bills to pay and you only have a certain expertise.

I’ve turned options over and over, put my house on the market numerous times and applied for jobs. Nothing has panned out. I keep waiting for my miracle. But I just know I am so ready for something new. I’m finally at that place where it will all come together and I can get up every morning and put my feet on the floor and be happy to be alive and going to a  job that I love.

I’m changing and within that changing, big and small things hopefully will happen. I will make all the good things come to me finally and be the whole person I need to be. And then I will change the world.

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