What is mystery
Intricate and beautiful
With crystalline sharpness
Before my own eyes
“Rumor travels faster, but it don’t stay put as long as truth. ”
― Will Rogers
Why is it when you put more than two people together, you can’t expect anything that is said to stay between those two people? Well, not usually anyway.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help. ~Author Unknown
I suppose there are some people we can really, really trust with our deep dark secrets or thoughts, or even just our every day stuff. But for the most part, it seems like if you get two people together, it’s like having birds sending messages over the airwaves.
“Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.”
― Jane Austen
It seems that even if we just happen to tell someone something in passing, or casually–if it feels like some juicy tidbit, a grain of gossip, it gets passed along to the next person only to grow into something larger than the original seedling.
Maybe the person passing on the gossip feels empowered, or that they are somehow gaining an ally by the telling of this tale–but in the end, no-one really wins. Somehow the truth gets lost in all this telling and re-telling–kind of like that old story of telephone we used to play as kids: passing on a phrase, whispering down the line until the last person has some complete distortion of the original statement!
Every day or two, I strolled to the village to hear some of the gossip which is incessantly going on there, circulating either from mouth to mouth, or from newspaper to newspaper, and which, taken in homeopathic doses, was really as refreshing in its way as the rustle of leaves and the peeping of frogs.
By nature I’m admittedly a blabber mouth, but if someone tells me something in confidence and says: please do not share what I’m telling you–then I don’t! But apparently others don’t abide by these same codes. It’s just blah blah blah… Changing my behaviors more than I have may be near impossible after all these years. It may simply be suffer the consequences (as usual) for my honesty. So be it.
It would just be so nice if folks could just respect a conversation and keep it sacred between the folks that shared it. Eliminating gossip: from the work place, the news, families, completely–would make this a whole more honest world!
If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. ~Khalil Gibran, Sand and Foam
If anyone got to close to my old fire chief, he used to shout: Bubble! This to mean you were getting into his personal bubble of space. His personal space was a pretty big circle around him and he wasn’t afraid to tell people to stay out of it– firmly actually. If we found ourselves drifting in it, maybe to look over his shoulder at his computer or something, we would be reminded by his sharp quip, to back off! Alrighty then…I certainly, got the message.
We all have different size ‘bubble’ circumferences. It may depend on where you are and who you are with at any given moment. My personal bubble in the past was always pretty small. I’ve always defined myself a pretty ‘touchie/feelie’ person, so am not afraid to give a hug or get up into someone’s face.
But recently, with my new job, I’ve had to create this new insulated bubble in order to survive within my surroundings. The noise level, gossip, types of things that are said need to be filtered in order for me: 1) to simply do my work, and 2) to not be upset/annoyed by what I hear constantly. Plus music playing also!
It’s been an interesting challenge to figure out how to set up my brain/ears to hear just enough information necessary to do my job effectively and let the rest fall away. Oh and answer the constantly ringing phones! But I must say, this uses up tons of energy every day. By the end of it, I find my brain and head exhausted. The work itself is not that hard, but processing out the garbage takes massive amounts of energy!
As I have said: it’s not the peaceful environment I had hoped. But at least I’m learning a skill: the art of The Bubble Cocoon. It’s not quite the same as my ex-bosses idea, because I still don’t mind a hug now and again. But a properly placed bubble around ones self, the invisible shield, when desperately needed–can be a valuable tool in the life of slightly crazy working person (or anyone else who may need it for that matter)! It’s the only way I manage to survive. How about you?
Pulled through the pulsing portal
Wondering what was waiting
At the other end
Looking down upon fractured features
Moments from long ago
Broken bits of clutter
Carried carefully in bits of cloth
The ever smiling creature
Who hung in a tree of home
Now sits atop the rubble
Like a wounded warrior
Where are the days of familiar faces
Blooming colors from the bedroom window
That same street with whistling birds
And the perfectly painted sun
Falling on my quietly lapping lake
From long ago
As I grow older I realize my sense of guilt seems to be leaving me. Many of us may carry around this sense of guilt for a variety of reasons–maybe it was because of the way we raised, maybe it’s our inherit personality type to ‘do the right thing’–but whatever it may be, for me as a younger person–this lurking sense often seemed to be there around the corner.
For me it was usually intertwined with a sense of responsibility–toward a relationship of some sort, a job or maybe a project. If I had made a committment, then it couldn’t be broken, even if it was killing me in the meantime. So I would stay in a job I hated because I had bills to pay, kids to take care of–and yes, I even felt guilty because of the people there (some of whom I didn’t even like that much) would be put in a bad position if I left! It was nutty.
My stomach would grind, headaches would be daily occurences and life would just feel miserable. Maybe many of you understand how this goes? We just stay put within a marriage, partnership, friendship, career or whatever because this deep sense of guilt or whatever you want to call it–nags at us to do so.
When I would talk to my Mother, she would say: chase the guilt fairy away! Funny coming from a Jewish mother who is suppose to be constantly handing out the guilt. But she was usually reasonable and helpful. Nope, it was me, doing it to myself. Usually (not always mind you) we do these things to ourselves! Because if you think about it: is anyone really holding a gun to our heads making us stay? (Yes, sometimes in an abusive situation someone is–but that’s not what I’m taking about here).
But there comes a time–at least for me–when it seems we realize: hey, wait a minute, I don’t have to feel bad about this stuff anymore! And just like that a deep sense of peace washes over you and ahead you see: freedom! When we let go of the guilt, there’s freedom of choice and decision making to do whatever we need or want to do with our own lives. Because ulimately, this is the only person we owe anything to: ourselves! I’m not suggesting we should forget all our responsibilites, but we can make decisions about doing what’s best for ourselves at the same time!
Today I heard a term: Radiant Sovereign Self, I believe Margaret Fuller coined it. It’s so lovely and what I want to be. One can’t be this carrying around the burden of guilt. Another beautiful gift I got today was to hear a poem by Mary Oliver.
To me it was about freedom. I share it with you all.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
their bad advice – – –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations – – –
though their melancholy
was terrible. It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do – – – determined to save
the only life you could save.
Sometimes we are too close to something to have a good perspective. Being on top of a situation, job, marriage or similar part of our life, can distort how we judge our role within it. Stepping back can be impossible because we are actively living the part.
This is when it becomes so valuable to have someone in our lives to help us gain perspective. Someone who can help us take 10 giant steps backwards and really look at what we are feeling but may be having a hard time either defining or acting upon.
This go-to person or people we hopefully all have are the ones that usually can swiftly and succinctly point out all the things we may not be able to see or don’t want to face. That divorce you sense deep down has been looming, the job you know you really hate or the goodbye you need to say to someone who is no longer a friend.
We easily make excuses why none of these things make sense to do: the kids, the money or hurt feelings. But your true friend will remind you that we live only once and happiness should be our ultimate goal.
They help you see through the clouds and dark times and help give you hope. And when you finally realize they are right, they help you with the next phase of your life.
I’ve had many phases and been fortunate enough to be blessed with more go-to people than most. I’m not sure what I would have done without them in many cases. They are my voice of reason, the light in the storm and wind in my sails.
I only pray that I am the same for them.
Through the portal
The changes stay the same
Selective slivers of silence
Cascade down through the sea of solitude
Every day the piling platitudes
Or ever repeating reports
Same thundering troops and devastating diseases
Human histories retold as though it’s a new story
Pass the word
Say it again
Someone was killed
Some new disease
Feast or famine
Walls and borders
Back to the bard
With new tales to weave
Shape us again carefree and light
Sing those lyrics from long ago
Hear the music
Feel the rhythm
Be with the company of creatures
Yes this is a photo of accessories for a new phone as my day started off by me dropping mine in the toilet this morning and finishing with spending almost 3 hours at a Verizon store. It wasn’t as bad as it could / should have been, but it still hurts. Grrrr. I broke down and bought insurance this time. Blah.