We are on the go!
Yet some of us yet don’t know…
That they can’t say NO!
“Sunshine on a cloudy day….”
OK, so maybe it wasn’t so cloudy out, but I’ve been feeling cloudy on the inside. Some cranky things have been happening lately that have put me down in the dumps. And this move, while good, is tough. Me, with my OCD nature just runs things through in my mind, so it can be very noisy in there. It provides my little brain with added stimulus that makes me edgy.
This is why today when I did my walk through of the apartment and met my new neighbor, my mind was somewhat eased. My Mom came too this time and it was the first time she saw the place. She gave it her stamp of approval, which made me happy. And I met my new neighbor who appeared very pleasant, so I’m off to a great start living in this new community. After all…this was the point in the first place. She said: if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate. Gee, I’m not sure anyone has said that to me since I’ve been here!
Maybe everything is coming up roses?!
Today I finally also found another position at work that was worth applying for within my own department. This is the break I’ve been waiting for since I got there. It was announced at a staff meeting. I couldn’t believe it. It’s for an anesthesia tech position. This position is much more autonomous than being a secretary, in the rooms setting up for the anesthesia department. I asked some of the anesthesia dept and they said ‘go for it!’ I also asked a couple of the guys that do it during the day, although they are both new doing this job. They thought I could do it no problem.
So I ran to HR during lunch and whipped off an online app. When I got home, I actually read what the job entailed because I never bothered at work! Well, they wanted someone with scrub tech, EMT OR paramedic experience!! So I kind of can’t lose. Unless of course they decide to discriminate based on my age/sex. Don’t laugh, they do it without saying they are doing it.
It’ll be a later shift, but I’m fine with that now that I’m moving close to work. No problem. So fingers crossed. I’m just so glad to be getting away from my very crazy landlady. And now maybe there’s a new prospect at work too.
Things may just be looking up up up…….
Pretty soon I’ll be packing my poor unsuspecting furry family in the car and we’ll be moving. I feel like a traitor. While the cats at this point think the big boxes are great fun to play hide and seek in, they have no clue what evil they truly represent.
Since my condo is located in a pretty confusing mass of look alike buildings, I made this section of highlighted map for my Mom. I’m sure I will get lost for quite a while. Every place looks the same–it’s a bit like a Sci-fi movie or The Twilight Zone.
My dog decided to distinguish himself from other dogs, and to stand out in the new neighborhood, he would show his true side. He’s a very peaceful dog, and told me he’s quite sure one karmic life was spent as a hippie-dog/flower-dog. That’s why he and I get along so well!
Sometimes he might be a bit more daring and flashy. Those days he’ll call attention to himself with more of a Latino flare. See, he’s very open to all sorts of friends too, and hoping the Chihuahuas in the area will dig him.
And then there will be the low key walks, where just a touch of color will do. Nothing fancy for those days when it’s just the two of us strolling around and we may not really feel like talking to any other new mutt who comes nosing our way. Those days he feels more shy.
And now: what to wear to impress the birds?? We may have to get a whole new wardrobe!!!
“Live free or die!”–this was the refrain I was used to hearing from where I just moved. A war cry I often made fun of when I was there, especially as a paramedic. We would change the saying to: Live free AND die when we’d arrive on scene of a motorcycle accident, no helmets, the person dead or dying. Ayup, no helmet laws…that’s right folks, do whatever you like for sure. It’s your life despite best practices and safety information! Go ahead: live free and die for sure…keeps me in business.
It was all a big joke, but many there took their freedom very seriously. And, I suppose, with good reason. In a world, where Big Brother seems to encroach upon us in so many aspects of our lives with all the rules and regulations, I kind of get it.
I, for one, have never been so good at following all of the rules. The ones that didn’t make much sense to me, or seemed unfair or unjust–well, yeah, I definitely went outside those boxes. In that way, I related completely to the above sentiment. It makes me nuts when someone tells me to do something that I deem as irrational or I simply know to be incorrect because I have proof. It gets all my hackles standing on end.
And I must admit, I’m not very good at being quiet about it. I’ve always had a rather big mouth–for as long as I remember. Pressing the boundaries and getting myself in trouble. Not exactly self-righteous, but willing to go against the establishment.
So here I am facing The Establishment like I never have before: buying a condo! It’s a whole new experience for me. I was always afraid I might not be able to do it and to ‘fit in’ and follow The Rules of folks telling me just what I could and couldn’t do with reference to how to live. But I had no idea to what extent it would happen until I went to my ‘orientation’ meeting today. There was reams of paperwork and boxes to check off. It was nuts.
Already a bit crabby missing work because they only have it during the week, something I felt rather archaic–maybe I was already a bit prejudiced I admit. Sure, it’s ‘an active adult community’ (this meaning 55 and over), but that means many of us work for goodness sake!! So why not run some of these after hours or on weekends?? I suppose because the office lady doesn’t want to come in then…but sheesh.
This meeting is mandatory, even though I had already met with someone from my particular building. One can’t close until you go and get some paper from them for the title company!! She didn’t want to overfill the class, meanwhile (if you include a couple) I was the 5th person. Really, 5 is too many? She’s afraid someone would ask too many questions. But instead, SHE talked in redundant circles, about nothing. Garbage, what colors to paint your house, where to park your cars… Are you joking? An hour and half later, I thought I might scream.
And even though she told us to hold all questions until later, she snipped at me with the one question I had, which was never answered. Ahhhh! It was crazy. And there were so many rules! I’m not sure I can go to the bathroom without checking with someone first. Or at least…the color of the toilet paper I buy…
No, but really, it all seemed rather silly, but I’m sure once you move in nobody even cares. And when she said there’s a woodworking club that the MEN are in (I asked if woman can join…yeah yeah, I was being smart)…I thought: maybe I’ll start my own club. Like the rebel club. Or the people who use weird toilet paper club. Or those who never listened during meetings in high school club. Or the live free or die club….
Or maybe I’ll just go into my cute little new condo, shut the door and mind my own business.
I feel I’ve always been pretty good at telling what’s the real deal. Of course this can refer to many things in life: food, merchandise (like diamonds–Marilyn would especially want to note), maybe love even (admittedly I’ve not been good at this). But in this case I’m talking about people. Are the people we meet, either at work, in social situations, on the street simply real?
You might wonder what I mean by this I suppose. Like, get real dude. It just seems the older I get, the more superficial people seem to me. Or at least, the less they are interested in things that involve anything that may mean thinking too hard, caring in a big way or really, really standing up for what you believe in.
It’s just easier to go to work, talk about your nails or hair, pretend that you’re friends with the person standing next to you, casually mention the horrors of the world, then hop in the fancy car and go home like nothing is happening. Like nothing is real. Like the horrors are really happening. Or your friends may not be really suffering, or maybe someone who isn’t your friend, just a co-worker, might need something from you more than a passing smirk.
And in many ways I’m just as guilty. Oh I cry when I hear the news, but I don’t do anything about it. I just drive back and forth to work wishing I could do more. But I don’t. Not yet anyway. Swearing I will someday…when I can. At least I care I say to myself…it’s more than some. Does that make me more real?
When I’m with people, near people in real pain though, I do react. That much I can say. I can never sit by and just ignore it. And things like fingernails and doing my hair are not important to me anymore (well, they never were). It’s OK that they are to some, but there has to be more. Our worlds have to connect with people who have nothing.
So who is the real deal these days? Let’s get real here. Open our eyes to the real world. The war, the famine, the terror, the rape, the killing, the fires, the homeless, the poor, the racial disparity… And even the people close to us in true pain.
Let’s not pretend. Even while we live our comfortable lives, keep a piece of discomfort in our hearts to keep us real.
Some days I am sinking
beneath the mist
drowning below my weary
under the weight
of my icy fears
that no-one else can see
I fly alone
you don’t hear me
you don’t see me
For I am the vision
in the encroaching darkness
I lift my weary eyes
and look ahead
Another dawn approaches
dappled daylight crawls
I am still here