In a reflective state, I visited this beautiful and peaceful place. While I am not a religious person, I am deeply spiritual. Anyone can feel the holiness of the area and know that it is a sacred site. If one can immerse within the sanctity and step outside of the everyday weight that binds us to earth, then we all can be lifted to our higher realm. And here we might see among the flowers a vision that will soothe our aching heart and give us hope for dreams of a better mankind.
Staying optimistic can be a real challenge when faced with a host of the top few major stressors noted on the list of things that will make a person be incredibly freaked out! Moving, changing jobs, leaving friends to name a few. When you add the fact that one may not have control over part of the situation, then I personally become even more frustrated.
A wise friend of mine pointed out to me today that we never really have control of anything. The best laid plans of mice and men. I do understand what she was talking about, but it doesn’t stop us from trying to be a bit organized. The appearance of control, at least, makes me feel better.
Where I stand now is that while my house was on the market dirt cheap, it will not move. I get young couples with no money trying to get Rural Development loans. But the catch is that the house most likely needs too much work to satisfy these type of loans, so while they may like my house, they walk away. Very discouraging.
And work continues to drag me farther and farther down into a hole of despair. As I’ve said a thousand times, it’s not the job, but everything surrounding it: co-workers, the boss, the atmosphere… It’s simply time to move on.
But what does one do when there is an anchor holding you down? One that seems to be permanently attached to you? Today I examined other options such as short sale and renting, possibly with the option to buy. The second option seems best. While scary to walk away and move far and leave my home in the hands of someone else, it appears this is what I must do to keep my sanity and not lose my shirt.
Waiting endlessly for a buyer that will never come seems foolish and is beginning to feel like I’m wasting my precious life. I know that I surely want to begin this life I am envisioning and my Mother also is looking forward to my move. I’ve worn out my prayers, my visions, my endless optimism. Now it’s simply time for plan B.
Once again a leap of faith in my life is in order. This wasn’t what I had in mind. Hearing that the market had improved I figured my house for sure would sell. But no, it sits all clean with its beautiful gardens just waiting… An extremely low price did not draw anyone either. So I must adapt. We get to the point where our needs outweigh the status quo.
Tomorrow I will decide what to do. I’ve made a phone call to a friend who will be my Mr. Fixit if I do rent. He has lived in the house and knows its ins and outs. There may even be another friend I can use as a backup. My neighbors will be my watchdogs too. I already told my agent I may take it off the market and I have a real estate lawyer friend who would write something up for me if I rent with the option to buy.
This is how I gain some control back to a life that feels at times like it’s spiraling away from me. I will still try for optimism: that I will find the right answer, that I would get wonderful renters, that all my next steps lead me toward a happier and more fulfilling life.
Deep breath and let’s see what tomorrow brings.
A ladder to earth
Waiting for the descending drop
Or climbing to heavenly heights
Last year’s life
Singular solo in a forest of summer
Sweet friends so close
Upon dying debris you feed
Lying in wild wet wonder
Gentile you sit
Lady like upon your raft
No gentleman to row you
A break among
A crack to reckon
Light’s brilliant path
I leave behind
Dark and shaded
A bridge to somewhere
Spans the gap
Tentative trails trudge on
While wind pushes me
I dare not turn around
Facing forward again
And crossing over
To the other side
Will freeze in the moment
On the bridge to somewhere