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Poem: Rain


As I sat cross-legged trying to meditate

I was distracted by the pattering rain outside

It was a constant beating in my head

Like a tiny drumbeat of a thousand natives tapping their rhythm

Trance-like I traveled back in time

And was once again a child

With my nose pressed against a moist window

Peering outside at the damp world

Hands leaving marks on the glass

Fingerprints of me

Wishing I was outside running in the sun

Or the days in camp

Not really a child anymore, but not quite a grown-up

Laying in the cabin on a night with a raging storm

Snuggled in my blankets

And a counselor reading, taking us somewhere else

While the lightning struck and thunder boomed

Sometimes even blowing raindrops through the openings

Feeling safe

Or the time my girls were with me to celebrate an Uncle’s birthday

Caught in a downpour in a city

Running like banshee, disoriented and wondering where we left the car

Hysterically laughing

Rain is cleansing, annoying, flooding, biting, gentle, life-giving

Desert rain, tropical rain

Tap Tap Tap

Too much can destroy, too little whither

And with the sun can bring a rainbow

Photos : The Nuts


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Photos : Smart Cat


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Photos : Whoops


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Photos : Last Day


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Time Travel


Not too many of us get to travel back in time. ¬†All the quotes say: live for today, forget about the past, don’t think about the future. Blah blah. But there can be something said about revisiting the past. About taking a peek down memory lane or even a good long walk, or better yet staring it right in the face.

This is exactly what I did the other night when I met with my ex-husband (well one of them) at a local restaurant. He was in town (living in a different state) visiting a son in college. Now, I have to add, this isn’t so odd because his sister and I are still very close after 30 years or so. She came to live with us as a child, along with her brother. So there is still this partial connection to him, and we do occasionally communicate. But I have not seen him in many, many years.

We both had remarried. I have been divorced again, and his wife sadly died of cancer. There were many years of no communication between us while we were both otherwise engaged in our other lives. But for me, at least, he remained somewhere on my radar screen I suppose.

One day a few years ago, as I was putting away Christmas decorations, I found a letter he wrote as we were in the process of divorcing. It was very old–probably close to 25 years. It was on New Year’s Day that I found it. His number was easy to google, so I called it and left a message. I didn’t hear back…right away. But eventually did, and this was what officially started our conversations.

They have been sporadic over the years, but his sister is our bridge, so I keep informed.

So recently, when he suggested meeting, I was fairly stunned. I never expected it, but welcomed it. As part of my whole self exploration/healing path, it seemed like another piece in the puzzle.

Of course it was fairly awkward for us both, and we looked A LOT older! But as the course of the evening wore on, it felt pretty comfortable. Funny how easy it is to lapse back into patterns, or at least notice them. The discussions we had were interesting, cleansing, weird and normal all at the same time. It was an odd little dance.

It’s like a mirror to see how much I’ve changed, who I am now, who I was then and to say I’m sorry for the dumb things I did (there were plenty of those). It was also good to hear him articulate his mistakes (whoa!). How often are we blessed with that gift? Yes, it truly was a very empowering evening.

I’m not sure where it takes us from here. Thanksgiving is coming up and we are all slated to be together again. It seems it’ll all be fine. That feels pretty good to me. It’s another rung on that ladder of life where you know you are taking the right step. That blast from the past sets me clearly in today and helps me to feel that while I am surely much older, I’ve gained some wisdom along the way.

Photos : Conference Day 1


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Photos : Revisiting


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Photo : Wisdom


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The mind is everything.
What you think you become.
Buddha

Photos : Resting


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